For the T-Femmes and SOFFAs...

SuperFemme · 01-11-2010, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jess

OK. I am remiss in my queerspeak. I have been around for years and have seen the term SOFFA but never knew what it stood for.

Someone toss and old dog a bone here?
Thanks.

Significant Others, Friends, Family and Allies.

Jess · 01-11-2010, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Significant Others, Friends, Family and Allies.

Thank you kindly!

Soft*Silver · 01-12-2010, 02:36 AM

you know, I F**king hate labels. I come from a time when the word LESBIAN wasnt even spoken out loud and now we are cyberbating over what we should call ourselves when we look in a mirror.

I am an old crow. Silver hair and wrinkles. I have seen alot happen over my 5+ decades in the rainbow culture. This generation of LGBTQ is going to go down in history/herstory as the one who out-defined themselves. This generation is so out, that they need to cloak their visibility (an oxi-moron, I know) with words embodied with massive power, so the labels are minutely defined. These labels then begin to look like carefully cut precious diamonds. Such value, such worth...so priceless are these labels....that we will gnash and tear apart each selection so that the evolution of the labels will be true to who we are..individually and as a rainbow culture.

well, go right ahead. But dont rain on my parade while you do this.

I am a femme, in a relationship with someone who considers himself TG moving to FtM. When he is done transitioning and living fully as the male he is, we will be living a heterosexual lifestyle.

He has it easy with labels. I, on the other hand, do not feel so lucky. I am a lesbian who has been told I should call myself queer. I just hate that word. Its fine for the young ones to use it, but it doesnt seem to go all that well with my cane and flat shoes. You should have seen my family when I told them the "word of the day" for me is queer. Their eyes bugged out. Somehow Aunt Bea doesnt look like a queer...lol. When my daughter is asked what I am, she simply says "mom"...sometimes we forget the answer isnt always in the direction of the question. Sometimes its in the direction of the answer-er.

This is what it boils down to for me. When I go to my gynocologist and she asks me if I am sexually active and I say yes...do I go into the whole damn orgasmic history of me falling in love with a transman?

No. I just say I am.

I came here because its the only thread I have seen on three sites for femmes who are involved with FtM/TG folks. Thats me. THATS who I am. And I need the support of other femmes who are involved with FtM/TG folks. You all can argue till the cows come home over what label needs to pasted on me, while I sit here and wait for someone to start talking about support...and if no one does, then I will just move on....

just my 2cents worth...

SFFemmePrincess · 01-15-2010, 03:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by softness

I came here because its the only thread I have seen on three sites for femmes who are involved with FtM/TG folks. Thats me. THATS who I am. And I need the support of other femmes who are involved with FtM/TG folks.

I'm glad you came here, and I am glad for everyone else who has come here.

Thank you for your post, I think it's about time we/I brought this thread back to where it started and that was a place for support.

So I was wondering how other femme's have navigated the family when it comes to coming out to them about your relationship with a Trans Guy. I have found it difficult because it's almost like coming out all over again. In some cases, just when my family was getting used to the whole lesbian thing, now I'm throwing something even harder for them to understand at them. So what has that been like for you??

julieisafemme · 01-15-2010, 05:27 PM

I came out to my whole family and all of my friends as a lesbian. Some months went by, I left my marriage and started on my own. Then I met my partner. I had to tell my family about the wondeful person I was dating who uses male pronouns. Well that did not go over so well. My Mom said "couldn't you have just brought home a nice girl?" My Dad had a huge problem with it. That hurt a lot. Things are much better now, a year later. Everyone has met my partner and can see what a wondeful man he is. They don't understand it, but they are over the initial shock.

SFFemmePrincess · 01-15-2010, 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by julieisafemme

I came out to my whole family and all of my friends as a lesbian. Some months went by, I left my marriage and started on my own. Then I met my partner. I had to tell my family about the wondeful person I was dating who uses male pronouns. Well that did not go over so well. My Mom said "couldn't you have just brought home a nice girl?" My Dad had a huge problem with it. That hurt a lot. Things are much better now, a year later. Everyone has met my partner and can see what a wondeful man he is. They don't understand it, but they are over the initial shock.

Yeah, my family was kinda confused about the whole thing. I've been a out as a lesbian for ten years and it has only been in the last year or so that I started dating folks that used male pronouns. My parents were pretty ok with it, it took them a while, and they still slip sometimes, but they try. They're whole thing is that they just want me to be happy and if he makes me happy, then they're good. My brother and sister have a harder time because they don't understand the concept. My brother pretty much ignores the trans topic all together and my sister is trying. She asked me yesterday if I was straight. I explained to her how my identity works and how I feel about it. She seems to be catching on. She is really good about the whole pronoun thing too. It has been a challenge though...

01-12-2010, 02:36 AM	#3
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,894 Times in 4,062 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	you know, I F**king hate labels. I come from a time when the word LESBIAN wasnt even spoken out loud and now we are cyberbating over what we should call ourselves when we look in a mirror. I am an old crow. Silver hair and wrinkles. I have seen alot happen over my 5+ decades in the rainbow culture. This generation of LGBTQ is going to go down in history/herstory as the one who out-defined themselves. This generation is so out, that they need to cloak their visibility (an oxi-moron, I know) with words embodied with massive power, so the labels are minutely defined. These labels then begin to look like carefully cut precious diamonds. Such value, such worth...so priceless are these labels....that we will gnash and tear apart each selection so that the evolution of the labels will be true to who we are..individually and as a rainbow culture. well, go right ahead. But dont rain on my parade while you do this. I am a femme, in a relationship with someone who considers himself TG moving to FtM. When he is done transitioning and living fully as the male he is, we will be living a heterosexual lifestyle. He has it easy with labels. I, on the other hand, do not feel so lucky. I am a lesbian who has been told I should call myself queer. I just hate that word. Its fine for the young ones to use it, but it doesnt seem to go all that well with my cane and flat shoes. You should have seen my family when I told them the "word of the day" for me is queer. Their eyes bugged out. Somehow Aunt Bea doesnt look like a queer...lol. When my daughter is asked what I am, she simply says "mom"...sometimes we forget the answer isnt always in the direction of the question. Sometimes its in the direction of the answer-er. This is what it boils down to for me. When I go to my gynocologist and she asks me if I am sexually active and I say yes...do I go into the whole damn orgasmic history of me falling in love with a transman? No. I just say I am. I came here because its the only thread I have seen on three sites for femmes who are involved with FtM/TG folks. Thats me. THATS who I am. And I need the support of other femmes who are involved with FtM/TG folks. You all can argue till the cows come home over what label needs to pasted on me, while I sit here and wait for someone to start talking about support...and if no one does, then I will just move on.... just my 2cents worth... __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

01-15-2010, 05:27 PM	#5
julieisafemme Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Woman Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Married to Greyson Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In the present Posts: 828 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,156 Thanked 3,434 Times in 660 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I came out to my whole family and all of my friends as a lesbian. Some months went by, I left my marriage and started on my own. Then I met my partner. I had to tell my family about the wondeful person I was dating who uses male pronouns. Well that did not go over so well. My Mom said "couldn't you have just brought home a nice girl?" My Dad had a huge problem with it. That hurt a lot. Things are much better now, a year later. Everyone has met my partner and can see what a wondeful man he is. They don't understand it, but they are over the initial shock.