Reactions to Embracing Your Femme(ness)

girl_dee · 08-31-2012, 07:43 AM

Spritz,

your #3 hit home for me in a way. People, even family often think because we are queer we will embrace their *ism* for something or other.

That's not a femme exclusive thing but it bugs me when people do it.

It used to happen in the work place, for example, they would seem so shocked when i spoke out against the stupidity, like i was a party pooper. We were all friends so they thought nothing was out of line for me.

i was the only (out) queer so they assumed i was safe and the heavy comments came AFTER i came out to them. Like i was a challenge to the men. Yaknow the "she needs a good man " thing.

Not ok!

girl_dee · 08-31-2012, 07:52 AM

thinking...

One of Syr's favorite places to eat is the family Truck Stop in town. The food is excellent, the staff is great and the price isn't bad either. It's very casual and usually composed of 99% truck driver men. It's a truck stop on a highway. Sometimes i see couples or a family there now and then.

Where i am from queers stay away from places like that. It's just asking for trouble. Maybe it is here too but with Syr you would never know that even if it were. i haven't seen anyone challenge her that's for sure.

She walks in, as if no one is in the place, has a seat and commences to read the menu, order and etc calm as you please. People stare, they glare, they whisper ..... she is tattooed and has a flat top... maybe they are not used to seeing a woman walk about like she does.

At first i was a bit taken back by that, like *doesn't she SEE the looks and stares?????* *why does she want to eat HERE?*.

Culture shock i guess.

i've learned a lot about just being yourself and not worrying about the rest of the world with her over the years.

spritzerJ · 08-31-2012, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

Spritz,

your #3 hit home for me in a way. People, even family often think because we are queer we will embrace their *ism* for something or other.

That's not a femme exclusive thing but it bugs me when people do it.

It used to happen in the work place, for example, they would seem so shocked when i spoke out against the stupidity, like i was a party pooper. We were all friends so they thought nothing was out of line for me.

i was the only (out) queer so they assumed i was safe and the heavy comments came AFTER i came out to them. Like i was a challenge to the men. Yaknow the "she needs a good man " thing.

Not ok!

I want to say that the phenomenon I was referencing is like their internal dialogue was "Hay I "accepted your queer now be fair and accept my -ism".

I'm not usually so grouchy. I just keep trying to mentally scrub myself from the first week back to school and the work BS.

There can be beautiful femme experiences. I've had them with Stoney. Hy takes the time to enjoy my presentation in looks and adores my mind.

When you describe how Syr eats at the truck stop so peacefully that is how I want to feel about being femme. Comfortable enough in how I look so where ever I go my mannerisms convey that there is no point to trying to limit me based on looks. And thus begins the we live in a sexist world carousel in my head.

08-31-2012, 07:43 AM	#1
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,833 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Spritz, your #3 hit home for me in a way. People, even family often think because we are queer we will embrace their ism for something or other. That's not a femme exclusive thing but it bugs me when people do it. It used to happen in the work place, for example, they would seem so shocked when i spoke out against the stupidity, like i was a party pooper. We were all friends so they thought nothing was out of line for me. i was the only (out) queer so they assumed i was safe and the heavy comments came AFTER i came out to them. Like i was a challenge to the men. Yaknow the "she needs a good man " thing. Not ok!

08-31-2012, 07:52 AM	#2
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,833 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	thinking... One of Syr's favorite places to eat is the family Truck Stop in town. The food is excellent, the staff is great and the price isn't bad either. It's very casual and usually composed of 99% truck driver men. It's a truck stop on a highway. Sometimes i see couples or a family there now and then. Where i am from queers stay away from places like that. It's just asking for trouble. Maybe it is here too but with Syr you would never know that even if it were. i haven't seen anyone challenge her that's for sure. She walks in, as if no one is in the place, has a seat and commences to read the menu, order and etc calm as you please. People stare, they glare, they whisper ..... she is tattooed and has a flat top... maybe they are not used to seeing a woman walk about like she does. At first i was a bit taken back by that, like doesn't she SEE the looks and stares????? why does she want to eat HERE?. Culture shock i guess. i've learned a lot about just being yourself and not worrying about the rest of the world with her over the years.