When a Femme meets a Butch... dating advice!

[Bleu]

Dear Miss Dance-with-me,

Hi there! My name is Bleu. We've never spoken but I have just a couple thoughts regarding your predicament.

The first part of your very own signature tag states: "Live as if you were to die tomorrow."

Well this sentiment is exactly how I make decisions in my life. Were I on my death bed and I look back on my life, will I regret _______________.

Will you have any regrets if you don't buck up and find a way to speak to this person in a social capacity? If so, I say...carpe diem. You will have nothing but regret if you don't.

Now as far as the mechanics of actually asking ... well firstly grant yourself the space in front of her (figure it out, this is part of the fun of it) then just let yourself do what we as humans are naturally built to do-- socialize.

Trust yourself. You've still got what it takes to go get what you want and what you deserve. Live by no ones rules but those of your own personal code.

>>>insert squeeee here<<<

All the best,
~Bleu

[Rope]

Here's how this conversation should go and QUICK, life is too short:

"I find you attractive and would like to get to know you. Would you like to meet for drinks or coffee sometime?"

Rope--

[Dance-with-me]

Originally Posted by Rope

Here's how this conversation should go and QUICK, life is too short:

"I find you attractive and would like to get to know you. Would you like to meet for drinks or coffee sometime?"

Urp!! Where's the "smilie" for eyes bulging out then rolling back into my head as I let out a totally freaked-out screech and dive under the covers and pull the blankets over my head over the very thought of being this direct?

[Dance-with-me]

FTY, my main hesitation for not friending her on facebook is that her facebook page took some digging to find and figure out was her, and I'm concerned that at this point that might look a little stalkerish. We're exchanging some emails - mostly related to the volunteer work, but with some tiny tidbits of personal stuff tossed in - so I'm going to just let it go there for now.

The storm will give me a few other reasons for asking some slightly more personal question, as I know she lives further inland than I do.

And next week I'll be picking up some donations, and while I won't be able to drop them off until the next week since I'll be out of town, I'm going to try and ensure that she's going to be there when I drop them off, and try to make it at the end of the work day and on a day that I don't have anything else going on, just in case I get brave and ask her to dinner (very, VERY slight chance of my being that brave but might as well set the stage for it).

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Dance-with-me

The storm will give me a few other reasons for asking some slightly more personal question, as I know she lives further inland than I do.

And next week I'll be picking up some donations, and while I won't be able to drop them off until the next week since I'll be out of town, I'm going to try and ensure that she's going to be there when I drop them off, and try to make it at the end of the work day and on a day that I don't have anything else going on, just in case I get brave and ask her to dinner (very, VERY slight chance of my being that brave but might as well set the stage for it).

Perfect. Go for it!

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Perfect. Go for it!

Oh, and I don't do the Facebook thing, but from what I gather if you had to seek her out, it might be kind of creepy to her (friend request).

[Dance-with-me]

Originally Posted by Dance-with-me

The storm will give me a few other reasons for asking some slightly more personal question, as I know she lives further inland than I do.

DER! She lives further towards the BEACH than I do. I live further INLAND than she does.

[ruffryder]

Originally Posted by Rope

Here's how this conversation should go and QUICK, life is too short:

"I find you attractive and would like to get to know you. Would you like to meet for drinks or coffee sometime?"

Rope--

I agree with the above minus I find you attractive unless hmmm.. I guess for me I just don't jump out that fast. I guess if you want to add that, add it.

"Would you like to meet for drinks, coffee, lunch sometime?"

Like I said a few coffee dates did it for me and my girl then it was lunch and then dinner was it! lol

I also recall an ex of mine taking initiative and asking me to drinks. Nothing wrong and it's darn sexy when a femme leads.

[Rope]

Or you could just post about your angst and hear 50 peoples take on said attraction. However you want to word it, if you don't get this person alone for drinks, lunch, coffee, a walk down the street--you're not going to find out if they're single, interesting, crazy, date worthy, whatever.

So hiding under the covers,,,,have at it. Maybe a butch will fall through the ceiling of your bedroom but I'm guessing not.

Rope--

[Bleu]

Originally Posted by Rope

Or you could just post about your angst and hear 50 peoples take on said attraction. However you want to word it, if you don't get this person alone for drinks, lunch, coffee, a walk down the street--you're not going to find out if they're single, interesting, crazy, date worthy, whatever.

So hiding under the covers,,,,have at it. Maybe a butch will fall through the ceiling of your bedroom but I'm guessing not.

Rope--

Perfectly said!

[WolfyOne]

I'm reading a lot of good advice here
Some I feel may even be useful for me
FYI, some butches have a hard time asking a femme if they'd like to get to know one another better
So, sometimes a femme who wants to know a butch better, especially if they may think the butch is interested, should ask to get to know them.
Like me, I'm shy at first when I don't know you at all, but don't have a hard time speaking once I'm spoken to.

I have no idea if what I wrote makes sense, but in my mind it does.

Anyhow, if this butch is like me, they'd welcome those words....want to get to know you/me/us better and perhaps see where it goes from there.

[JustJo]

Originally Posted by ruffryder

I agree with the above minus I find you attractive unless hmmm.. I guess for me I just don't jump out that fast. I guess if you want to add that, add it.

"Would you like to meet for drinks, coffee, lunch sometime?"

Yes, exactly this...especially if you're not sure if she's even a potential dating partner.

Here's the deal...even if she's absolutely straight, I've never heard of anyone objecting to "I've really enjoyed talking to you....would you like to go grab a coffee sometime?"

Once you're having that coffee you can have more conversation, and see if she's even dating potential for you, as well as a little more about her. If not, you may have set the stage for a friendship instead....and that's always a good thing too.

[ruffryder]

Originally Posted by JustJo

Yes, exactly this...especially if you're not sure if she's even a potential dating partner.

Here's the deal...even if she's absolutely straight, I've never heard of anyone objecting to "I've really enjoyed talking to you....would you like to go grab a coffee sometime?"

Once you're having that coffee you can have more conversation, and see if she's even dating potential for you, as well as a little more about her. If not, you may have set the stage for a friendship instead....and that's always a good thing too.

Nothing wrong with having friends! .. and my ex identified as straight and she took the initiative in getting to know me better since we were coworkers and it lead to more, a relationship of 3 years. So hey, you never know who may find you interesting or find you as a potential in their dating pool! It blew me away and then I was in bliss. haha.

[Rope]

And while we're on the subject of advice, Don't fuck where you make a buck.

SOOO not worth it.

[Dance-with-me]

Originally Posted by Rope

And while we're on the subject of advice, Don't fuck where you make a buck.

SOOO not worth it.

??!??!??

If you mean, don't get into a sexual or romantic relationship with someone who works where you do, then I completely agree -- I don't even like developing close friendships with co-workers because it just screws things up, and I would never date or get romantically or sexually involved with a coworker. But this is not a coworker.

And I wasn't asking for advise on fucking her, just trying to figure out how to "get this person alone for drinks, lunch, coffee, a walk down the street--[because otherwise I'm] not going to find out if they're single, interesting, crazy, date worthy, whatever" and yet since it's been probably 20 years since I've attempted to get someone alone for drinks, lunch, coffee, or a walk down the street, I was hoping for (and got from many others, thank you!!!) some advice on how to do this, considering that I don't know when I'm going to have any contact with her again.