FTM place to vent and talk

[Greyson]

I agree with Linus and weatherboi about context. Most of the guys who have been here awhile know I I.D. as Transmasculine. Being a life long Butch was very much a part of my journey getting to this point in my gender identity.

For me, once I started the process of transitioning I could no longer ignore that little voice in me that kept asking "Why?" I never identified as a "Woman Identified Butch." In my old thinking a Butch was clearly not a woman in the same sense as Femmes and other women.

I have been a member of the Butch-Femme sites for 12 or 13 years now. I have learned that not all Butches had the same experience or thinking that I did. That also is the same for Transmen. I have been legally a male for a little over three years now and my gender identity is not over.

Back to the "Why" of this. In finally deciding to "transition" for me I had to explore if there was self internalized misoginy involved in my decision. Honestly I did not think there was. I tried to take a hard and focused look as to what growing up in my country has taught me. What is the media, books, movies, "values," traditions, law, policy, religion saying now and historically about women? IMO it is saying, overall that women are meant to be in service to the greater good, sacrafice self if necessary, and raise families. I think women overall through out history were relegated to very pre-defined lives.

What I ultimately had to ask myself is how much of this stuff did I believe on some level? How did my actions, thoughts, biases, and words align with what I thought I believed?

[Hominid]

This is great - exactly what I struggled with for a few years before transition. I was afraid I was leaning towards transition for the wrong reasons - thanks for saying this clearly.

Originally Posted by Greyson

I had to explore if there was self internalized misoginy involved in my decision. Honestly I did not think there was. I tried to take a hard and focused look as to what growing up in my country has taught me. What is the media, books, movies, "values," traditions, law, policy, religion saying now and historically about women?
What I ultimately had to ask myself is how much of this stuff did I believe on some level? How did my actions, thoughts, biases, and words align with what I thought I believed?

[Mike]

reading, bbl

[ruffryder]

Originally Posted by Linus

...

And there is one thing I was curious about because I've seen this from both sides: I know there are many femmes who are interested/intrigued/turned on by FTMs and many FTMs who are reciprocal to this (myself included). What I'm curious about are those FTMs who are here in this community (and others like it) and interested in straight-women as opposed to femmes in this community (and others like it)?

I am not interested in straight women as opposed to femmes. I see women as women, no matter how they may identify. Some femmes feel invisibility about their identity and "pass" as straight where some FTM may "pass" as straight males also. For me and I guess what I'm trying to say is woman is woman and man is man for sake of the two genders. Of course there are lots of other gender identities and some FTM may not even ID as male but instead transgender, third gender, FTM, etc.. If one is FTM I'm gonna view him as male, just my opinion - "Female to Male" unless he lets me know otherwise.

Anyway, as far as women go (straight or femme) if she has an interest in me and who I am then I'm interested in her and like I've said it's "women" I'm interested in and not how they may identify. I've dated women all across the spectrum from queer, femme, bi, straight, dyke, lesbian. As long as they get me and understand where I'm coming from I have no issues dating any woman across the spectrum (well not now because I'm happily in a relationship ) Do femme women understand FTM better than a straight woman? Maybe, but not in my experience. It all depends how they view the FTM and if you general have decided to share that part of you. We can't assume everyone including our own community knows what an FTM is.

Originally Posted by BrutalDyke

I get what you're saying. All of our friends are straight as well. Comes with territory of area we live in but also the gay folks that do live near there really won't have anything to do with us because of the whole FTM/femme status. I guess they think we're "traitors" to our own kind? Lol. Whatever their deal is, we don't worry about it and actually love our straight friends. Only one of them (Julie's best friend) really gets it I think. The rest just kinda get that glazed over look in their eyes then pretend they never heard any of it. Go figure.

I was born and lived in a small midwestern community, one of the states where Brandon Teena was killed for being a transgender. A lot of my friends were and are straight also. I dated a straight woman for 3 years and we lived together as a couple. Our friends understood us and knew me as the male counterpart in the relationship. They had no issues with it whatsoever. I appreciated their willingness to learn about FTM and their acceptance and it made me happy that if they messed up on a pronoun they were quick to fix that. They saw me as just another guy. Thankfully, I have not run into people that are hateful about it or dont' agree with it. I'm more scared of this happening here in the good ol south of FL. I share my life of an FTM with people that are close to me, employers, some coworkers and others that I trust and want close in my life.

I've ran into femmes that aren't sure about FTMs and how they identify. They have made mistakes calling me her, she, girl.. and It blew me away.. I somehow get more upset when this happens in our own community then if a straight identifying person would mess that up. Has anyone ran into that also? and
another question to you all is, do you think femme women understand FTM better than a straight woman or vice versa? What are your experiences with this?

and.. another question yet, Who do you share that you are an FTM with and do you explain it or do you just let others assume you are butch, lesbian or a straight male or however they may view or perceive you?

[Hominid]

Originally Posted by ruffryder

and.. another question yet, Who do you share that you are an FTM with and do you explain it or do you just let others assume you are butch, lesbian or a straight male or however they may view or perceive you?

I don't tell anyone usually. I had to tell my back doctor, who was sitting and looking at my MRI (which clearly showed my hoo-ha) -he was trying to tell me that some of my symptoms might be my prostate.

I didn't move, I kept the same job during transition, my kids started out with two moms in the same school system - so people know. It's just been so long I'm not sure who knows and who doesn't. The occasions for telling people are practically non-existent. I haven't tried to date anyone I've met, so haven't had to deal with that, and on a few dating sites I say I have transitioned in my profile.

[ruffryder]

Originally Posted by Hominid

I don't tell anyone usually. I had to tell my back doctor, who was sitting and looking at my MRI (which clearly showed my hoo-ha) -he was trying to tell me that some of my symptoms might be my prostate. .

hehe.. this reminded me of the couple times at the airport when I had to go through the tsa body scanner. both times they made me go back through and then they called me sir. I just walked away smiling. (I am pre op)

[Linus]

Originally Posted by ruffryder

hehe.. this reminded me of the couple times at the airport when I had to go through the tsa body scanner. both times they made me go back through and then they called me sir. I just walked away smiling. (I am pre op)

And they probably never comment on your ID (if it still has the other sex identifier on it?).

I have noticed, since post-op (top surgery), that the big body scanners require them to check my right pec. I think there is some weird scar tissue growth or something that some of them detect as an object.

[ahk]

Originally Posted by Linus

And I don't want this thread shut down. I mentioned this yesterday to the moderation team how right now I was feeling unwelcomed in my own community. Now, granted that part of that is due to my own busy life and such but at the same time, there are things here that I think are due to a huge lack of us carving out our own sense of community or existence (or however it could be termed).

I think we need this space. Transmen tend to fade into the woodwork. It's easier for us. The transforums I've run into a run by transwomen and are geared more for transwomen. There is space for us there but it's overwhelming leaned towards one side. For me, I have a history with this community and I personally taking a stand that we not fade into the woodwork.

We need to do the work, the sweat, the tears (although crying has stopped for me since beginning T; anyone else?!), the blood and so on. We have an experience that needs to be shared but needs to be done so without "othering".. well.. others. We need to build our history.

I want a community that I can belong to and feel safe with, dammit. And if it's not here, then I'm screwed.

So rather than give up, who else will stand?

I'll take the stand-- I get it. This is my community too-- though I had to leave for a bit because I was figuring out my own self after I had a weird breakup and start of a new relationship and an ending to a friendship that I looked up to greatly. But here I am -- back in a community where I feel I can be myself -- artistic and a sock lover.