FTM place to vent and talk

[Linus]

Originally Posted by ruffryder

hehe.. this reminded me of the couple times at the airport when I had to go through the tsa body scanner. both times they made me go back through and then they called me sir. I just walked away smiling. (I am pre op)

And they probably never comment on your ID (if it still has the other sex identifier on it?).

I have noticed, since post-op (top surgery), that the big body scanners require them to check my right pec. I think there is some weird scar tissue growth or something that some of them detect as an object.

[Tony]

Lovin this thread. I'm keeping up with reading it. Will add when I have more time. Great job! (we really did need this).

[ruffryder]

Originally Posted by Linus

And they probably never comment on your ID (if it still has the other sex identifier on it?).

I have noticed, since post-op (top surgery), that the big body scanners require them to check my right pec. I think there is some weird scar tissue growth or something that some of them detect as an object.

Maybe they just like checking pecs. Like I said I'm pre op, no top surgery here yet. That's where they seem to go with me.


They also checked my knee, I'm like what , I have metal in there I didn't know about? lol

Yeah, I think they are not allowed to question identity (male,female, etc) but still don't understand why they say ma'am, sir.. Usually by then though these people at the scan machine haven't seen my ID.

[Linus]

Originally Posted by ruffryder

Maybe they just like checking pecs. Like I said I'm pre op, no top surgery here yet. That's where they seem to go with me.


They also checked my knee, I'm like what , I have metal in there I didn't know about? lol

Yeah, I think they are not allowed to question identity (male,female, etc) but still don't understand why they say ma'am, sir.. Usually by then though these people at the scan machine haven't seen my ID.

The ones at the scanner should be different than those that see the image. There is one machine type where the outline is shown but it's non-gender specific so I suspect they just use cultural norms for the sake of politeness and trying to get people through as quickly as possible.

[ruffryder]

I know I've asked lots of questions to be answered already but here's more.. It will keep the thread busy



FTM visibility, invisibility - thoughts , share stories, experiences?

I just took our pup for a walk in our apt community and I'm friendly with our neighbors but don't really associate with them or "hang out" with them but I know most of them and some of their family members and of course, dogs.

Well across the way there is a lady about in her 30s maybe, white. I assume she is straight. She has a little dog called Marley (looks like a miniature of the dog in the movie Marley); so she takes it for a walk now and then and sometimes her family members do so i'm aware of them and who they are. I see her as I'm walking and she says, "Hello" I say, "Hello" back and she says, "Oh, she knows me (referring to our pup). She sees me out when she's with your wife." I just said "oh" and smiled.

So then I wonder does she think I'm male? Does she care? She obviously thinks me and my girl are married.. lol.

I wonder about the clothes I'm wearing (tshirt, long carpenter shorts, sneakers, a baseball cap) and wonder if that has something to do with portraying myself as male .. hmmm. Just wondering ..

[ahk]

Actually, I am tired of being mis-gendered, being referred to as "lady" or "ma'am" -- I don't get it. My voice is significantly deeper than my wife's voice, I dress nothing like a "lady" or a "ma'am", I walk different, I hold myself more masculine, but I'm still "ma'am'd"-- What gives?

( I really feel like I am in the "betweener" stage of transition (it sucks) actually )

[Greyson]

I have been on T for 3.5 years and there are times I still get referred to as ma'am or lady by strangers. Like ank in my head "What part of me looks like a lady? Really?" Then my head goes to Why does your gut clench when someone genders you as a woman? Subtle stuff but there.

I know it is not the same for other Trans guys. This is how it is for me. I claim a third gender sort of thing. I cannot let go of my past. I am a pragmatic sort and I think it is political for me. I do not want to be invisible in terms of my queerness. I do not want straight people or queers to assume I am a cisman. So, why did I transition? It felt right for me and I experienced something in my life that was the final blow. I wanted FULL and Equal rights in the eyes of the law. Enough for now.

[ruffryder]

Originally Posted by ahk

Actually, I am tired of being mis-gendered, being referred to as "lady" or "ma'am" -- I don't get it. My voice is significantly deeper than my wife's voice, I dress nothing like a "lady" or a "ma'am", I walk different, I hold myself more masculine, but I'm still "ma'am'd"-- What gives?

( I really feel like I am in the "betweener" stage of transition (it sucks) actually )

Yeah I don't get that either. I can walk a mile and two different people will address me differently, one as ma'am, one as sir. . and it baffles me to hell. That's why I say I look at what I wear, what I'm doing at the moment, etc.. to try and figure it the hell out. Same as on the telephone. So now, I just try to speak deeper. lmfao! If all else fails, confuse the hell out of them!

Do we all use male restrooms here?

I tend more times than not. I get no second looks like I do if I was to go into a female restroom. Females are more aware of their surroundings in a restroom , want to use the mirror, powder up, hang out and wait for their kids, chat, check their messages, etc.. Men, they just want to do their business and get back to whatever it was they were doing.. yeah? SO I just bust in, same as the next male, do my business, wash my hands and get out. No questioning, no saying I'm in the wrong room, no second looks..

[ruffryder]

Originally Posted by ruffryder

Do we all use male restrooms here?

I tend more times than not. I get no second looks like I do if I was to go into a female restroom. Females are more aware of their surroundings in a restroom , want to use the mirror, powder up, hang out and wait for their kids, chat, check their messages, etc.. Men, they just want to do their business and get back to whatever it was they were doing.. yeah? SO I just bust in, same as the next male, do my business, wash my hands and get out. No questioning, no saying I'm in the wrong room, no second looks..

I don't want to say all females are like this in the restroom and I'm sure there is probably the occassional male that does the same. Just to be clear, I'm not here to stereotype genders. Sorry folks. I had to reiterate this here. But having used both gender restrooms, I do notice that women tend to be more aware of their surroundings and will definitely notice if someone of the male variety enters and will check them or question them if not give them a second look.

[weatherboi]

When I met Snow I was on my was on my way to being anorexic from dysphoria. The more weight I lost the more I passed and no amount of weights I lifted or running I did was keeping up with the amount of weight I was losing and the gaunt appearance I was taking on. I wasn't seeing that. I was hyper focused with doing drive by quick glances in the mirror so I could get that validation from my physical appearance finally meeting up with what my brain sees I am. I was limiting my nutrition and doubling up on working out. I was breaking out all over and my asthma was at an all time high. One of the many dyphoric vortexes that I have been able to recognize over the years. Someone had asked earlier in the thread how the femmes/women in our lives have helped support us. Snow helped me out of that vortex. My body weight is now something I try not to make a big deal out of or I will get all caught up and starve myself. Other people battle dysphoria?

I get told I am hot in many different ways and I am glad I don't get compared to bio guys. Part of my dysphoria revolves around my disconnect with how I look in my head and how I look to the world.

Yes I use the mens bathroom and have been for some years. I always use a stall now. I have tried STP's and they all seem to malfunction eventually.

[Julien]

Originally Posted by ahk

Actually, I am tired of being mis-gendered, being referred to as "lady" or "ma'am" -- I don't get it. My voice is significantly deeper than my wife's voice, I dress nothing like a "lady" or a "ma'am", I walk different, I hold myself more masculine, but I'm still "ma'am'd"-- What gives?

( I really feel like I am in the "betweener" stage of transition (it sucks) actually )

I can relate to the betweener stage as you put it. I get ma'am or sir depending on the person be it a man or woman. I think that men tend to sir me more often than women. It is embarrassing for them and awkward for me when they double check Me for sex markers ie breasts and change the sir to a ma'am. I'd be happy if they just left it like it was to begin with. Gender policing as I see it, especially in the South were ma'am and sir are used more often, than when I lived in the North.

[Greyson]

Speaking of the "Sir" word. Have any of you guys noticed how it makes you feel when you are referred to as "Sir?" I feel like I am being shown some respect, finally, by the larger world. Again, why is that? Why is the word "Ma'am" not emboldened in the same way (equal) to the word Sir? More of the little things that ramble through my mind.

Originally Posted by Julien

I can relate to the betweener stage as you put it. I get ma'am or sir depending on the person be it a man or woman. I think that men tend to sir me more often than women. It is embarrassing for them and awkward for me when they double check Me for sex markers ie breasts and change the sir to a ma'am. I'd be happy if they just left it like it was to begin with. Gender policing as I see it, especially in the South were ma'am and sir are used more often, than when I lived in the North.

[DMW]

Originally Posted by ruffryder

I've ran into femmes that aren't sure about FTMs and how they identify. They have made mistakes calling me her, she, girl.. and It blew me away.. I somehow get more upset when this happens in our own community then if a straight identifying person would mess that up. Has anyone ran into that also? and
another question to you all is, do you think femme women understand FTM better than a straight woman or vice versa? What are your experiences with this?

and.. another question yet, Who do you share that you are an FTM with and do you explain it or do you just let others assume you are butch, lesbian or a straight male or however they may view or perceive you?

I think this has to do with the level of awareness, knowledge, exposure to or with and experience that each woman has had with FTM's in general.
Whether the woman identifies as gay or straight...i am not sure that applies.

I believe that a woman will understand as much i am willing to share with her.


[Derailed thought...
My first long term relationship was with a woman who had only dated biomales...and at that time in my life i identified as butch (or just me).
I was perceived as a ...wow...I hear this overwhellming voice of hers in my head...
"But, you are so much like a guy". Very true. I always felt that way and I
always was like that. This particular woman...struggled with understanding
that...hell, i had to tell her eventually, "I guess i am gay, i am a butch and if you are seriously interested in a relationship and a future with me. Then, you need to understand that...this is how we will be perceived as a couple. A gay couple" I basically told her that she had to really understand that and accept that in order for us to move forward together as a couple. And i put a hold and break on us to give us both time.
(So odd and ironic...it is like the pot calling the kettle black in a way...
if i hadn't repressed and shoved down my feelings for so long growing up because society is so babyblue(boy) and lightpink(girl) and gotten in that...i don't know forced routine of this is how you should be...because you were born a girl...and this is how society expects you to be...(so wrong) maybe i would have snapped out of it sooner? Life gets busy for all of us too.
I was focused on school and my future and working part time during the start of that relationship...I see now (not that i haven't thought of it prior to this and since pretransition) that i needed time too. I recall now, with more reflection, that i was finishing up final exams and in the process of taking company entrance exams for my career.]


At least for me, personally, i am perceived as male and identify as male an ftm-male.
So, i explain to those whom i respect and grow to love. If i desire to and feel that they are deserving of my effort i will share more of who i am with them.
For the most part, all of my responses have been positive.
It helps grow some understanding between the relationships.

Originally Posted by Hominid

I don't tell anyone usually. I had to tell my back doctor, who was sitting and looking at my MRI (which clearly showed my hoo-ha) -he was trying to tell me that some of my symptoms might be my prostate.

In general, that is how i live my life. Perceived as male and will only come out when i deem it necessary.

This is a whole knew sphere too...i purposefully did not go to get an
MRI done for my back....because i worked at the only hospital in the city i lived in. I knew there was the possibility of outing myself there...cause of pelvic bones (xray) or the MRI soft tissue...as you point out.
I went to a chiropractor instead. But, never had tests done which should
have been. Because...i would have outted myself (to yet more people) at my work place. The whole...diagnostic, radiation, ultrasound..etc...group.
I needed that job. It was a smaller town and i didn't want to jeopardize our financial security.
Could not move from that city at the time for other reasons too.