FTM place to vent and talk

[Liam]

Originally Posted by ruffryder

fellas does it ruffle your feathers when femmes or straight women compare you to hot bio males or is it a confidence boost and something you hope would happen?


I guess I'm just me, take me or leave me, but hell if I was compared to some hot dude I think it would turn me on a bit. Or say, if a female was to say you look like so and so (a bio male). Would you want to know why? hmmm..

more questions and hoping more answer my questions. heh.

I think that I am told on a daily basis that I am hot, and comparisons are not made. I'm glad she thinks I'm hot, it makes me smile.

[Greyson]

Originally Posted by Liam

I think that I am told on a daily basis that I am hot, and comparisons are not made. I'm glad she thinks I'm hot, it makes me smile.

Yes, I am told often by my girlfriend that she thinks I am a hottie. The thing is, I don't believe it about myself. I struggle with fluxuations in my body weight. Always have since the day I was born. I was the heavier twin. Oops that is another thread.

And this brings to mind another thing I noticed when I was a child in elementary school. Why is it that men can be rather obese and still found desirable, sexual? Take a look around guys. What is in the movies, in real life? Big guys are referred to as "Big Guys, Portly, Strong." Large women get terms like "Fat B__tch, I wouldn't poke that......." You guys know the drill. How many times may we have discounted a woman because of her size? (You can throw in age with that too.)

[Darbonaire]

ALWAYS for over 10 years now.

[Guy]

I tend to use the Woman's room and try not to get noticed.

Only because it's usually cleaner.

(just my observation. I am by no means suggesting this is true in all cases)

[BrutalDaddy]

Damn I love this thread. Seriously guys. Y'all have no idea just how much it is enlightening me and giving me courage to face my own demons, hopes, aspirations and desires.

Because of this thread, I am feeling a connection that I haven't felt with another guy(s) in a long time, if ever. It's like I get so wrapped up in my every day struggles that I tend to forget others go through the exact same struggle every day of their own lives. That I am not the only FTM out there who is viewed based on what gender they physically born into, regardless of how much it doesn't match up with what our brain and soul sees. I totally got the above but sometimes I let my own "suffering" become my center focus until I forget that I am not alone.

Often I'd find myself looking at pics of FTMs and wishing I could just "look like that". Weatherboi, your post brought reality screaming back to me and I am so fucking grateful to you for that. Thank you from bottom of my heart for sharing that about yourself. Thank you to all of you who are sharing. It's like chicken soup for the trans soul. Lol. Even when I didn't realize I needed to hear it. For years I struggled with addiction. Anything that'd make me not have to think about what I look like or what society sees. Anger and resentment towards the world were my close friends. Still are sometimes if I'm not careful.

Okay seriously am rambling so will shut up for now but one last thing before I do. Weatherboi, I couldn't rep you again for some reason so I'll just say it here. Your post about dysphoria made me tear up because I can relate with every fiber of my being. Thank you and I look forward to meeting you as well as all the other guys one day.


Loving This Thread,
Brute.

[Greyson]

Originally Posted by BrutalDyke

Damn I love this thread. Seriously guys. Y'all have no idea just how much it is enlightening me and giving me courage to face my own demons, hopes, aspirations and desires.

Because of this thread, I am feeling a connection that I haven't felt with another guy(s) in a long time, if ever. It's like I get so wrapped up in my every day struggles that I tend to forget others go through the exact same struggle every day of their own lives. That I am not the only FTM out there who is viewed based on what gender they physically born into, regardless of how much it doesn't match up with what our brain and soul sees. I totally got the above but sometimes I let my own "suffering" become my center focus until I forget that I am not alone.

Often I'd find myself looking at pics of FTMs and wishing I could just "look like that". Weatherboi, your post brought reality screaming back to me and I am so fucking grateful to you for that. Thank you from bottom of my heart for sharing that about yourself. Thank you to all of you who are sharing. It's like chicken soup for the trans soul. Lol. Even when I didn't realize I needed to hear it. For years I struggled with addiction. Anything that'd make me not have to think about what I look like or what society sees. Anger and resentment towards the world were my close friends. Still are sometimes if I'm not careful.
Okay seriously am rambling so will shut up for now but one last thing before I do. Weatherboi, I couldn't rep you again for some reason so I'll just say it here. Your post about dysphoria made me tear up because I can relate with every fiber of my being. Thank you and I look forward to meeting you as well as all the other guys one day.


Loving This Thread,
Brute.

Brutal, thanks for opening up more. I don't think I have ever seen you post as much like I have in the last few days. It's great getting to know some of you guys in a much more below the surface way.

Addiction, anger management, domestic violence in our community is something I have ponder for a few years. Another very sensitive area.

[BrutalDaddy]

Originally Posted by Greyson

Brutal, thanks for opening up more. I don't think I have ever seen you post as much like I have in the last few days. It's great getting to know some of you guys in a much more below the surface way.

Addiction, anger management, domestic violence in our community is something I have ponder for a few years. Another very sensitive area.

Thanks Greyson. I feel like I'm babbling all over the place. Lol. I completely agree with it being great getting to know others on a deeper level.

You know what, you're right. Those are issues I have never seen discussed here or on other site for that matter. Well except friend of Bill W. thread. Always thought I was an addict cause I wasn't a good person. When in reality it is because I couldn't cope with the reality of my situation which is I was born in the wrong body for whatever reason.


Awesome Points,
Brute.

[weatherboi]

It is funny you bring up anger management and domestic violence. I recently heard of an acquaintance that is struggling and after asking around about resources and talking to friends have realized the need for resources tackling these very problems you mention. I believe but have no statistics to back it up that these problems may be on the rise within our community. It is definitely something to examine.

Originally Posted by Greyson

Brutal, thanks for opening up more. I don't think I have ever seen you post as much like I have in the last few days. It's great getting to know some of you guys in a much more below the surface way.

Addiction, anger management, domestic violence in our community is something I have ponder for a few years. Another very sensitive area.

[DMW]

Originally Posted by ahk

Actually, I am tired of being mis-gendered, being referred to as "lady" or "ma'am" -- I don't get it. My voice is significantly deeper than my wife's voice, I dress nothing like a "lady" or a "ma'am", I walk different, I hold myself more masculine, but I'm still "ma'am'd"-- What gives?

( I really feel like I am in the "betweener" stage of transition (it sucks) actually )

Originally Posted by ruffryder

Yeah I don't get that either. I can walk a mile and two different people will address me differently, one as ma'am, one as sir. . and it baffles me to hell. That's why I say I look at what I wear, what I'm doing at the moment, etc.. to try and figure it the hell out. Same as on the telephone. So now, I just try to speak deeper. lmfao! If all else fails, confuse the hell out of them!

Originally Posted by Julien

I can relate to the betweener stage as you put it. I get ma'am or sir depending on the person be it a man or woman. I think that men tend to sir me more often than women. It is embarrassing for them and awkward for me when they double check Me for sex markers ie breasts and change the sir to a ma'am. I'd be happy if they just left it like it was to begin with. Gender policing as I see it, especially in the South were ma'am and sir are used more often, than when I lived in the North.

This is such a tough time when it comes to transitioning...the best thing to do is just to try and relax and be yourself...I used to call myself a "wuzzle" because on the SAT sample test ?'s...prior to the test... that is the example that was stated over and over...A wuzzle is defined as...to mix. A wuzzle means to Mix. And it was so apropo for that time period.(I was lucky. I just cut my hair and i looked pretty male after that. I used my hair to hide and stuff the way i felt i guess. I think i was conditioned from childhood. To correct people who would call me a boy.) Anyhow, i had a girlfriend who would just look at people in a restaurant...she enjoyed whenever someone looked confused about me. She would tell me..." I just love watching their confusion and their pained faces. They are baffled" . She was right.

Dr Seuss...thing 1 and thing 2...they do it for me, also. I have a Christmas
Ornament that i am very proud of...I am a transexxual and I am proud.
And i am a wuzzle inside. No matter how i am perceived. Smile.
And I am proud of all of you guys going through this journey.

Onto to the election..

[Darbonaire]

I know that in the puberty years I put on weight to "hide" the girl body...it didn't work of course....lol....& now it's HELL to take it off. I remember when I had my top surgery...My God I was the happiest man alive....lol...ask my ex...she went through it with me & wow...I was on top of the world. There's a pic of me walking the grandbaby in my boxers & no shirt......lololol....maybe that's TMI..sorry....

I've never had any of this discomfort with my body...yep, I'm overweight & am changing it slowly...but, I have always looked male even before transition & others have verified this, so it's not just me thinking that. When I look in the mirror now I see a handsome guy looking back. I LOVE my beard....LOVE my chest...hate my back hair....LOL...but, generally..I've always known I was a guy.....it's nice to be aligned now. I began the change at 30 years old & I am a bit envious of these young guys who are starting in their 20's.....but, we all go at our own pace.

Just be comfotable inside & let yoursefl BE who you are......nothing has to go at any pace other than what is right for you as an individual.

I love this thread too....

Jonathan

[Linus]

Originally Posted by ruffryder

I know I've asked lots of questions to be answered already but here's more.. It will keep the thread busy



FTM visibility, invisibility - thoughts , share stories, experiences?

<snip>

All the time. I see gay couples and want to reach out and go "HEY! Family!" It's one of the curse/blessings of T in that I can hide or blend for safety but that same ability means that trying to find community locally can be hard since it's not as obvious.

Originally Posted by Greyson

I have been on T for 3.5 years and there are times I still get referred to as ma'am or lady by strangers. Like ank in my head "What part of me looks like a lady? Really?" Then my head goes to Why does your gut clench when someone genders you as a woman? Subtle stuff but there.

I know it is not the same for other Trans guys. This is how it is for me. I claim a third gender sort of thing. I cannot let go of my past. I am a pragmatic sort and I think it is political for me. I do not want to be invisible in terms of my queerness. I do not want straight people or queers to assume I am a cisman. So, why did I transition? It felt right for me and I experienced something in my life that was the final blow. I wanted FULL and Equal rights in the eyes of the law. Enough for now.

From the point I started my beard to now, I haven't had the wrong pronouns. Society is very visual but part of the challenge (at least from what I've noticed) is how baby faced we can look. I find T resulted in me getting ID'd more often (especially when my head is shaved and no one can gauge my age based on the salt'n'pepper).

And agreed. I didn't transition to fit in. That's why I DIDN'T pursue this years ago. I transitioned for me so that my own skin would feel like home to me and not some stranger staring back in the mirror.

Originally Posted by ruffryder

<snip>

Do we all use male restrooms here?
<snip>

Yes. And I sit. And never am I challenged on it. It does present challenges for when I'm out at sporting events where stalls are rarer but it highlights the last bit of my transition that I want to complete. (not fully phallo but hysto and metio likely)

Originally Posted by Greyson

Yes, I am told often by my girlfriend that she thinks I am a hottie. The thing is, I don't believe it about myself. I struggle with fluxuations in my body weight. Always have since the day I was born. I was the heavier twin. Oops that is another thread.

And this brings to mind another thing I noticed when I was a child in elementary school. Why is it that men can be rather obese and still found desirable, sexual? Take a look around guys. What is in the movies, in real life? Big guys are referred to as "Big Guys, Portly, Strong." Large women get terms like "Fat B__tch, I wouldn't poke that......." You guys know the drill. How many times may we have discounted a woman because of her size? (You can throw in age with that too.)

This is something of a challenge. Although K often says how hot I am (she likes teddy bear cuddly types), I often see myself like George Costanza (Seinfeld). I don't workout enough to be anything other than portly. All my life I've battled weight issues (too heavy) and as much as K likes this, she knows that I cannot maintain this (for health reasons). Now if I maintained the exercise regime I did when I was teaching at the college, I could look more along the lines of what the world expects of young men.

That said, there is a double standard, for sure. I'll age gracefully. I'll get the "high fives" for dating a women 16 years my junior. Nevermind that she has beauty, brains and brawn in one. Society is more interested in objectifying woman as only beauty objects rather than looking at the whole person they are. And the view that they need to be one way drives me insane.

For example, I'm watching Criminal Minds this morning and I've always found Garcia hot. It's all attitude and brains for me. Always.

Originally Posted by weatherboi

When I met Snow I was on my was on my way to being anorexic from dysphoria. The more weight I lost the more I passed and no amount of weights I lifted or running I did was keeping up with the amount of weight I was losing and the gaunt appearance I was taking on. I wasn't seeing that. I was hyper focused with doing drive by quick glances in the mirror so I could get that validation from my physical appearance finally meeting up with what my brain sees I am. I was limiting my nutrition and doubling up on working out. I was breaking out all over and my asthma was at an all time high. One of the many dyphoric vortexes that I have been able to recognize over the years. Someone had asked earlier in the thread how the femmes/women in our lives have helped support us. Snow helped me out of that vortex. My body weight is now something I try not to make a big deal out of or I will get all caught up and starve myself. Other people battle dysphoria?

I get told I am hot in many different ways and I am glad I don't get compared to bio guys. Part of my dysphoria revolves around my disconnect with how I look in my head and how I look to the world.

Yes I use the mens bathroom and have been for some years. I always use a stall now. I have tried STP's and they all seem to malfunction eventually.

I still battle some dysphoria but it's not as bad as it once was. I still want to get into shape (other than round, although that is a shape). Your experience makes me wonder sometimes if there is still some unexplored issue that I need to address in regards to my eating habits (then again, it could be that I'm just a geek who likes soda and video games too much).

And it's heartening to know that I'm not the only one who finds the STP a challenge in some way or another.

[Julien]

I would like to thank everyone for their insights to themselves, our society and our community. I'm learning a lot about you and what to expect and feel better about what I am experiencing as I go through my transition. As a way to better understand this journey, I am writing a manuscript about my own path to transitioning and it helps to have a place to come to that is safe and supportive to talk about a variety of issues pertaining to this. I have been getting very kind and supportive feedback from my earlier posts and I appreciate it very much. One person commented that it must be lonely for me to be in my particular situation. I must say that it is to a degree and I tend to isolate myself when I think that my outing myself as trans would cause some problem. However, I want to be true to myself and live the life I was meant to live. I am now 50 and do not want to be on the fringe. Someone in an earlier post asked whether we dated lesbians or straight women. I am attracted to the person who accepts me as I am. I personally would love to have a partner who is accepting of me as I am, even at this inbetween stage and will stay with me as I transition. It is something I want in my life. I had a Lady friend who told me I was gorgeous and masculine just the way I am right now and that really gave me a boost to my self esteem. I just wish she was my girlfriend. Thanks for this thread.

[Hominid]

I hope this doesn't seem like a platitude, but something I always said to myself that helped, a little, was "I don't need to know HOW I will make it, only THAT I will make it" - put one foot in front of the other. And remember how great it is that you have this option, that you will have the choice about how to be perceived and identify, and you WILL get to be an old man. The baby face does go away. The beard moves up from the neck (and remember, for the most part, only those in the community know what that neck beard thing is - it IS a clear sign to most of the world that you are male, even if it's a little funny looking - if it really bothers you, consider isolating some part of your hair - for me, it was long sideburns until more grew in). Treat yourself to razors and the process - stroll confidently into bathroom stalls and plop your ass down like every other guy who needs to sit for whatever reason. It is hard to feel in between, it was the hardest time for me, much harder than being female. But you're on the dredge up the hill with the sled - soon you'll be flying down the mountain on your own path.

Originally Posted by Julien

I would like to thank everyone for their insights to themselves, our society and our community. I'm learning a lot about you and what to expect and feel better about what I am experiencing as I go through my transition. As a way to better understand this journey, I am writing a manuscript about my own path to transitioning and it helps to have a place to come to that is safe and supportive to talk about a variety of issues pertaining to this. I have been getting very kind and supportive feedback from my earlier posts and I appreciate it very much. One person commented that it must be lonely for me to be in my particular situation. I must say that it is to a degree and I tend to isolate myself when I think that my outing myself as trans would cause some problem. However, I want to be true to myself and live the life I was meant to live. I am now 50 and do not want to be on the fringe. Someone in an earlier post asked whether we dated lesbians or straight women. I am attracted to the person who accepts me as I am. I personally would love to have a partner who is accepting of me as I am, even at this inbetween stage and will stay with me as I transition. It is something I want in my life. I had a Lady friend who told me I was gorgeous and masculine just the way I am right now and that really gave me a boost to my self esteem. I just wish she was my girlfriend. Thanks for this thread.