The Psychology of Online Dating

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

MY thoughts:

this is a fine line.

do i love unconditionally, yes. i love all people even the ones i don't like. Do i want all people in my life ? Heck no. That is conditional.

Indiscriminately... nope, love for all people

selflessly,... i would like to say yes, but honestly, no. Maybe that is something i need to work on.

Sorry meant to say yes, indiscriminately ...

also meant to finish my thought on the fine line.

i struggle to feel love for people who hurt me, intentionally, with malice. i know i do have love for them, because they are damaged people, but i think my brain just won't let me feel it like i should. The inward impression is love, but the outgoing is hate. Maybe once i can forgive i won't hate as much.

Is it possible to feel love and hate at the same time? Because that's whats going on with certain people for me.

i don't even know if any of that makes sense.

[kittygrrl]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

Sorry meant to say yes, indiscriminately ...

also meant to finish my thought on the fine line.

i struggle to feel love for people who hurt me, intentionally, with malice. i know i do have love for them, because they are damaged people, but i think my brain just won't let me feel it like i should. The inward impression is love, but the outgoing is hate. Maybe once i can forgive i won't hate as much.

Is it possible to feel love and hate at the same time? Because that's whats going on with certain people for me.

i don't even know if any of that makes sense.

You make perfect sense...It's a struggle I have within myself..I want to do better because it's something that's important to me and the universe.

[~ocean]

I understand how you both feel Dee & Kitty I also agree too !! you can't heal the world makes ya soooooooo tired lol ~ keep sharing the love sisters ^5 ~

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

You make perfect sense...It's a struggle I have within myself..I want to do better because it's something that's important to me and the universe.

thank you.

often have conflicting feelings, i think you can love more when you forgive.

So then just forgive, right? i am not there yet. We are taught that not forgiving keeps us hostage, and i get that, but i don't feel it. i haven't forgiven certain people. If there is no remorse, how can i ?

i struggle.

[BullDog]

When it comes to people who I feel have hurt me and/or been very unfair to me, the best place for me to get is to neither hate or love them and just wish them well. I actually don't hate anyone I have ever known (romantic or otherwise) and don't believe I ever have. My parents really drilled into me never to hate anyone and I think that really stuck. The only people I can imagine hating are those who commit horrific crimes.

I have at times felt a lot of hurt and anger, and when I can get to more of a place of neutrality that is a lot better for me than to try to force feelings of love. The hardest part is when the anger dies down (which for me is usually fairly quickly) but when I still have a lot of hurt. If I can get past that point where it doesn't hurt so badly then it is much easier.

I also don't feel under obligation to love everyone I know or love everyone in the world. I am selective of who I love (both romantic or otherwise) and I really am okay with that. I love humanity as a whole and believe in our basic goodness even though there are a lot of horrific things done. I believe in social justice and working to make the world a better place, and I do think humans are capable of that - may just be my bleeding liberal heart, lol.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by knight

Thoughts on loving unconditionally, indiscriminately and selflessly?

I think it's unhealthy to love everyone all the time with all of yourself--no matter what. Absolutely unrealistic too. I have boundaries and if those boundaries are crossed, then that person or persons require me to be more careful with my feelings and emotions around them. My personal, emotional and psychological safety is more important than someone else's feelings.

Maybe I'm a hard ass, but I feel no conflict or remorse about this.

[AmazonDC]

Originally Posted by Gemme

I think it's unhealthy to love everyone all the time with all of yourself--no matter what. Absolutely unrealistic too. I have boundaries and if those boundaries are crossed, then that person or persons require me to be more careful with my feelings and emotions around them. My personal, emotional and psychological safety is more important than someone else's feelings.


Maybe I'm a hard ass, but I feel no conflict or remorse about this.

Hmmm? Interesting thought.. maybe I am just too nice a person

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by DaddyChrisCo

Hmmm? Interesting thought.. maybe I am just too nice a person

Yes, You are. Far too nice.

[Greco]

Spot on Gemme. I read your knowledge of the importance of boundaries as Self-love, and Self-protection. And absolutely necessary, period.

Hard-assed? No way Gemme, very healthy indeed. We live in a society where
there are people that have no remorse, or conscience and "suck" the life out of
people that are empathic and have no boundaries.

So, what I've learned is this...to learn what boundaries are, and implement them in my life in all areas, relationships, work, play. And for people that cross boundaries such a huge red flag, they are not allowed in my life in any way, shape or form. No apologies from me.

Right on Gemme.

Greco

Originally Posted by Gemme

I think it's unhealthy to love everyone all the time with all of yourself--no matter what. Absolutely unrealistic too. I have boundaries and if those boundaries are crossed, then that person or persons require me to be more careful with my feelings and emotions around them. My personal, emotional and psychological safety is more important than someone else's feelings.

Maybe I'm a hard ass, but I feel no conflict or remorse about this.