A straight girl enters the queer world...

[BullDog]

I think it is important when we do disagree to do so respectfully. I haven't accused anyone of demonizing or starting a butch vs trans war or making blanket statements. To me that is quite different than Julie and I or Corkey and I having a different point of view and discussing things respectfully.

I believe in any relationship both partners or prospective partners have equal responsibilities. I don't think stone butches or transmen or anyone else have any less responsibility or go through any more than anyone else does. Just because someone doesn't know much about stone butch doesn't mean there is more of a burden on her to learn more about me. We are both equally responsible to learn about and understand each other.

[Words]

Just a thought...

Do these two know that their relationship is being discussed on a public forum? Does one know? Do both know? Did anyone think to ask them - both of them - if it would be okay?


Words

[DaddysKitten]

Originally Posted by Words

Just a thought...

Do these two know that their relationship is being discussed on a public forum? Does one know? Do both know? Did anyone think to ask them - both of them - if it would be okay?


Words

This is completely anonymous, and I am sure it mimics many other relationships as well. As I stated earlier on, I had all intentions of starting this thread and directing her to it. I have since changed my mind, only because I do not want her to see the animosity shared between people I went to for a bit of support. But I will take the advice and information shared back to her, and hope it helps her, even if in a little way.

[Toughy]

Originally Posted by DaddysKitten

This is completely anonymous, and I am sure it mimics many other relationships as well. As I stated earlier on, I had all intentions of starting this thread and directing her to it. I have since changed my mind, only because I do not want her to see the animosity shared between people I went to for a bit of support. But I will take the advice and information shared back to her, and hope it helps her, even if in a little way.

Please do not take the responses in this thread as animosity. We are a messy bunch who speak our minds. None of it is directed/personal towards you or your Daddy.

There is history (good and bad) between some of these folks and it tends to rear it's head in places you would never expect. Most of us have known each other at least 10 yrs and we forget how we could look to new folks.

The written word is a flat media without body language and facial expressions to help understand tone and intent. That plays a big part in how words are 'heard'.

[DaddysKitten]

Originally Posted by Toughy

Please do not take the responses in this thread as animosity. We are a messy bunch who speak our minds. None of it is directed/personal towards you or your Daddy.

There is history (good and bad) between some of these folks and it tends to rear it's head in places you would never expect. Most of us have known each other at least 10 yrs and we forget how we could look to new folks.

The written word is a flat media without body language and facial expressions to help understand tone and intent. That plays a big part in how words are 'heard'.

No no no. I did not take it 'personal' at all. I was just hoping for a bit more positive reinforcement, and it has gone completely off task immediately. I am enjoying it, but knowing her, it would scare her. That is all.

[Toughy]

Originally Posted by DaddysKitten

No no no. I did not take it 'personal' at all. I was just hoping for a bit more positive reinforcement, and it has gone completely off task immediately. I am enjoying it, but knowing her, it would scare her. That is all.

laughin...............welcome to the Planet....I have never seen a thread not get side-tracked...........some sooner than others...........

[Parker]

You know, at this point, I feel like I am adding to the shit-stirring, not stopping it; because this back and forth isnt helping or solving anything. Since I need to lie down anyway, I'm just going to check out of the thread.

I am not trans, femme, or straight and all I tried to do was agree with someone and then got accused of all sorts of crazy shit so I ran with it. But while I am not sitting down and shutting up ( ) I'm just going to take a step back so you all can get beyond the side-track and continue with your discussion - cool?

Btw - Corkey and Toughy hit the nail on the head - we argue and fight but I, for one, was never mad - just ramming away like the Aries that I am .... and during all that Mercury in Retrograde stuff too.

Later

[Corkey]

Originally Posted by Toughy

Please do not take the responses in this thread as animosity. We are a messy bunch who speak our minds. None of it is directed/personal towards you or your Daddy.

There is history (good and bad) between some of these folks and it tends to rear it's head in places you would never expect. Most of us have known each other at least 10 yrs and we forget how we could look to new folks.

The written word is a flat media without body language and facial expressions to help understand tone and intent. That plays a big part in how words are 'heard'.

Are you sure we aren't related?

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by BullDog

I am a stone butch. I never felt anyone should have to put more effort into understanding me or my issues anymore than I would put effort into understanding them and their issues. I've also made it quite clear that no one should ever have to change because of me. It will only work if we are compatible and we both are true to ourselves.

I know Bully came in and clarified when folks got up in arms about her saying this, but I've got to say...am I the only one who read it as she typed it? Y'all, I wear coke bottle glasses and I saw this clear as day (not Day, who has been MIA).

Please see the underlined text.

To me, this one point (and only this one point....I'm not touching the other mess) is saying that ALL parties involved with one another should EQUALLY attempt to learn about the other and the other's affiliations/presentation/id/family/etc. That one side should not put more effort or energy into this than the other; that it should be BALANCED.

How does that turn into 'disinterest'?

[BullDog]

Originally Posted by Gemme

I know Bully came in and clarified when folks got up in arms about her saying this, but I've got to say...am I the only one who read it as she typed it? Y'all, I wear coke bottle glasses and I saw this clear as day (not Day, who has been MIA).

Please see the underlined text.

To me, this one point (and only this one point....I'm not touching the other mess) is saying that ALL parties involved with one another should EQUALLY attempt to learn about the other and the other's affiliations/presentation/id/family/etc. That one side should not put more effort or energy into this than the other; that it should be BALANCED.

How does that turn into 'disinterest'?

Thank you Gemme. I don't know how it could have been any clearer. That's why it felt like ill intent to call it disinterest.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by BullDog

Thank you Gemme. I don't know how it could have been any clearer. That's why it felt like ill intent to call it disinterest.

I think folks read it with their emotions. Or maybe they need to borrow my glasses. For their sakes, I hope not.

As it's been said in the last few posts, emotions get high and we're all pretty vocal about our beliefs. It just doesn't help the matter when things get discombolutated and taken wrong. Luckily, it seems as if things will get back on track here pretty soon.

[Toughy]

Originally Posted by Gemme

I know Bully came in and clarified when folks got up in arms about her saying this, but I've got to say...am I the only one who read it as she typed it? Y'all, I wear coke bottle glasses and I saw this clear as day (not Day, who has been MIA).

Please see the underlined text. I'm putting the underlined text here: I never felt anyone should have to put more effort into understanding me or my issues anymore than I would put effort into understanding them and their issues.

To me, this one point (and only this one point....I'm not touching the other mess) is saying that ALL parties involved with one another should EQUALLY attempt to learn about the other and the other's affiliations/presentation/id/family/etc. That one side should not put more effort or energy into this than the other; that it should be BALANCED.

How does that turn into 'disinterest'?

I read that underlined text to mean disinterest on first read. I knew Bully did not really think that so I re-read it and re-read it and still had a hard time understanding what Bully meant. I chalked it up to poor sentence structure because I know that disinterest is not what Bully meant....been reading her too many years to think that....

it's all good in the 'hood.....

[BullDog]

LOL Toughy. Maybe you can teach me how to write. How that sentence could possibly mean disinterest is completely beyond me.

[DaddysKitten]

Originally Posted by Toughy

I read that underlined text to mean disinterest on first read. I knew Bully did not really think that so I re-read it and re-read it and still had a hard time understanding what Bully meant. I chalked it up to poor sentence structure because I know that disinterest is not what Bully meant....been reading her too many years to think that....

it's all good in the 'hood.....

As I stated exactly myself, and I do not know her well enough to read her that way. It's why I addressed it respectfully, and pointed out where the miscommunication would come from.

[Corkey]

Originally Posted by DaddysKitten

This is completely anonymous, and I am sure it mimics many other relationships as well. As I stated earlier on, I had all intentions of starting this thread and directing her to it. I have since changed my mind, only because I do not want her to see the animosity shared between people I went to for a bit of support. But I will take the advice and information shared back to her, and hope it helps her, even if in a little way.

Please don't take this wrong, but all of us talking and being blunt isn't animosity, it's folks who are passionate about their opinions. I'm still friends with Bully and Parker and Julie and weatherboi, and everyone else who has a different opinion than I do. No one can see beyond the screen, so sometimes our passionate responses are taken wrong, which is why I asked for clarification, and I got it. I'd still go to dinner with them and have a brew, or whatever.
Sometimes family yell, just 'cause we yell doesn't mean we don't like one another.

[Julie]

Originally Posted by Corkey

Please don't take this wrong, but all of us talking and being blunt isn't animosity, it's folks who are passionate about their opinions. I'm still friends with Bully and Parker and Julie and weatherboi, and everyone else who has a different opinion than I do. No one can see beyond the screen, so sometimes our passionate responses are taken wrong, which is why I asked for clarification, and I got it. I'd still go to dinner with them and have a brew, or whatever.
Sometimes family yell, just 'cause we yell doesn't mean we don't like one another.

Not to get off topic - But I am not having Brew. It leaves an ugly taste in my mouth.

LOL

[Corkey]

Originally Posted by Julie

Not to get off topic - But I am not having Brew. It leaves an ugly taste in my mouth.

LOL

Umbrella drink or up?

[Julie]

Originally Posted by Corkey

Umbrella drink or up?

No Umbrella please. Not that kind of girl.
I would prefer a Bombay with Tonic - Twist of Lemon, Lime and Orange.

[Chancie]

Like someone said, some of us have known each other for ten years, and I am one of those people.

In general, I think new members should be expected to show respect for the culture of our community, but

Many of you have posted as though you have completely forgotten what it's like to be in a new kind of relationship.

Believe me, I remember, and it was more than 25 years ago.

I remember thinking that everyone could tell that I was with a woman, which is how I thought of my relationship at that time.

I grew up in a political progressive family in a diverse neighborhood in a cosmopolitan city, and

I knew that my life was going to be different than my sister's and my cousins' lives, and that it might not be easy.

I read everything I could get my hands on, and I tried to make friends with every lesbian I met, and guess what?

Some of them were just as rigid and uncompromising as some of you.

[Toughy]

Originally Posted by Words

Just a thought...

Do these two know that their relationship is being discussed on a public forum? Does one know? Do both know? Did anyone think to ask them - both of them - if it would be okay?


Words

I don't think it matters. We don't know their names. We don't know where they live. They are not members here. We have no way of identifying them. No privacy has been invaded.

It could be about ANY two individuals facing this issue and dealing with it.