Butch visibility

BullDog · 05-10-2013, 11:41 AM

Despite all the homophobia and misogyny one can encounter as a butch, I am very happy to be seen as a dyke. Unfortunately, it is based on stereotypes- because femmes and less masculine appearing lesbians or others who don't fit the "stereotype" are just as lesbian/gay/queer as I am. I do not fall under the "male gaze," I do not have to repeatedly come out, my "queerness" is not suspect- all things that femmes have to deal with. For the most part I am treated fine. The problem is homophobia can spring up at any time, but I just deal as needed- mostly by not responding to it. I am very comfortable in my skin. I wouldn't trade being a Butch for anything.

Ascot · 05-10-2013, 01:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BullDog

Despite all the homophobia and misogyny one can encounter as a butch, I am very happy to be seen as a dyke. Unfortunately, it is based on stereotypes- because femmes and less masculine appearing lesbians or others who don't fit the "stereotype" are just as lesbian/gay/queer as I am. I do not fall under the "male gaze," I do not have to repeatedly come out, my "queerness" is not suspect- all things that femmes have to deal with. For the most part I am treated fine. The problem is homophobia can spring up at any time, but I just deal as needed- mostly by not responding to it. I am very comfortable in my skin. I wouldn't trade being a Butch for anything.

Amen. I wouldn't trade it either. To be butch, to be the counterpart to the breathtaking panoply of gloriousness that is everything femme...no, I wouldn't trade it for anything at all.

Damn, now I'm thinking about all the things I so love about femmes, every kind of femme, each unique unto herself. I could go on for days and never feel as though I'd expressed enough appreciation, fondness, affection and admiration. The lust thing, that would definitely take eons, too.

Vive la difference!

BullDog · 05-10-2013, 01:25 PM

Yes, I agree Ascot. I am happy to be who I am and much better equipped to face the type of challenges butches face than the one femmes do, but every femme I have ever known is comfortable in her own skin and very happy to be femme. So vive la difference.

chris1life · 05-10-2013, 02:02 PM

Some times while walking around this "good ole boy" state is a test to my sanity ha. I go to the men's department to shop And some times ignored by staff or asked if they can help me find my husband something. Here I am standing there with my men's dress pants shirt and tie. I usually in my deep voice tell them as politely as I can "I am the the damn husband" I don't really call myself that in my world but it seems that's all these back woods Bible thumpers understand. (No I have no problem with religion unless its used the way it is here) I suppose Maybe its the shoulder length blonde hair. Last night my wife and I went out to eat and it was one of the packing nights for me so the swagger and the butch vibes were pulsing ha. And while we are sitting at the bar waiting for our table we actually had men come over to her and try to flirt. All while she is holding my hand in her lap. I wanted to beat on my chest and start kicking some ass. Point is when people aren't acting like if I get close I may give them my butch germs they are trying to pretend I'm not here. Like if they don't make eye contact I'll go away. I do have a wonderful wife the leaned over and gave me a nice long kiss that left no doubts about what I was to her. Sorry for the rant. With the butch population being almost nonexistent in my town it feels good to say what's on my mind.

Ascot · 05-10-2013, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chris1life

Some times while walking around this "good ole boy" state is a test to my sanity ha. I go to the men's department to shop And some times ignored by staff or asked if they can help me find my husband something. Here I am standing there with my men's dress pants shirt and tie. I usually in my deep voice tell them as politely as I can "I am the the damn husband" I don't really call myself that in my world but it seems that's all these back woods Bible thumpers understand. (No I have no problem with religion unless its used the way it is here) I suppose Maybe its the shoulder length blonde hair. Last night my wife and I went out to eat and it was one of the packing nights for me so the swagger and the butch vibes were pulsing ha. And while we are sitting at the bar waiting for our table we actually had men come over to her and try to flirt. All while she is holding my hand in her lap. I wanted to beat on my chest and start kicking some ass. Point is when people aren't acting like if I get close I may give them my butch germs they are trying to pretend I'm not here. Like if they don't make eye contact I'll go away. I do have a wonderful wife the leaned over and gave me a nice long kiss that left no doubts about what I was to her. Sorry for the rant. With the butch population being almost nonexistent in my town it feels good to say what's on my mind.

No apology necessary. I'm glad you feel you can speak your mind here. Welcome to the Planet.

NerdieGirl · 05-13-2013, 11:10 AM

I, thus far, have only dated butch or FTM folks. I always worry about safety when it comes to my partners, especially in the bathroom. One of my ex's had so many bad experiences that she refused to use a public bathroom. My heart broke over this. Something I easily take for granted was something that caused paralyzing fear in her. I would offer to go with her, but even then she still struggled. I often complain about being an "invisible femme", but often forget to count the times that I have hidden behind that invisiblilty.

Femminator · 05-14-2013, 06:31 PM

Chris1.....so sorry that happened to you. I hate it when men just ignore my Butch and hit on me or denigrate her by ignoring her. I always let them know that I choose to be with her, and that yes indeed I am a lesbian, thanks but no thanks. For some undeard of reason, they seem to think their 'junk' is the magic potion to turn Femmes into staight girls....

My Butch had something of the same happen to her recently. We were waiting in line to check out for groceries, and she had had her arm around me, obviously we were a couple. She took the cart to the end of the belt and waited for me to check out. This guy walked up right next to me and got all in my space, and did this really denigrating whole body sweep. Starting at my breasts(of course) and working his way down. I didn't catch it at first, my mind was on groceries, was but my Butch had gone all red in the face and that caused me to look at this creep. He leered at me, so I just stared at him. I stared him right in the eyes, and waited for him to look away. Finally he did. I then went over to my Butch and said 'come on Babe let's get home" and looked back over my shoulder to shoot him a nasty look. He finally looked embarassed.

Most men are larger than women, so I carry Pepper Spray. I know without a doubt that she would step in to protect me, but I don't want to take the chance that someone would hurt her, so better well armed.......

05-14-2013, 06:31 PM	#7
Femminator Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Femme Preferred Pronoun?: feminine pronouns Relationship Status: Married, but not legally in my state! Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Michigan Posts: 99 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 288 Thanked 444 Times in 91 Posts Rep Power: 2084268	Chris1.....so sorry that happened to you. I hate it when men just ignore my Butch and hit on me or denigrate her by ignoring her. I always let them know that I choose to be with her, and that yes indeed I am a lesbian, thanks but no thanks. For some undeard of reason, they seem to think their 'junk' is the magic potion to turn Femmes into staight girls.... My Butch had something of the same happen to her recently. We were waiting in line to check out for groceries, and she had had her arm around me, obviously we were a couple. She took the cart to the end of the belt and waited for me to check out. This guy walked up right next to me and got all in my space, and did this really denigrating whole body sweep. Starting at my breasts(of course) and working his way down. I didn't catch it at first, my mind was on groceries, was but my Butch had gone all red in the face and that caused me to look at this creep. He leered at me, so I just stared at him. I stared him right in the eyes, and waited for him to look away. Finally he did. I then went over to my Butch and said 'come on Babe let's get home" and looked back over my shoulder to shoot him a nasty look. He finally looked embarassed. Most men are larger than women, so I carry Pepper Spray. I know without a doubt that she would step in to protect me, but I don't want to take the chance that someone would hurt her, so better well armed....... __________________ Be the change you wish to see in the world - Ghandi

05-10-2013, 11:41 AM	#1
BullDog Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Dominant Stone Butch Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In A Healing Place Posts: 5,371 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,160 Thanked 22,666 Times in 4,464 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Despite all the homophobia and misogyny one can encounter as a butch, I am very happy to be seen as a dyke. Unfortunately, it is based on stereotypes- because femmes and less masculine appearing lesbians or others who don't fit the "stereotype" are just as lesbian/gay/queer as I am. I do not fall under the "male gaze," I do not have to repeatedly come out, my "queerness" is not suspect- all things that femmes have to deal with. For the most part I am treated fine. The problem is homophobia can spring up at any time, but I just deal as needed- mostly by not responding to it. I am very comfortable in my skin. I wouldn't trade being a Butch for anything.

05-10-2013, 01:25 PM	#3
BullDog Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Dominant Stone Butch Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In A Healing Place Posts: 5,371 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,160 Thanked 22,666 Times in 4,464 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Yes, I agree Ascot. I am happy to be who I am and much better equipped to face the type of challenges butches face than the one femmes do, but every femme I have ever known is comfortable in her own skin and very happy to be femme. So vive la difference.

05-10-2013, 02:02 PM	#4
chris1life Junior Member How Do You Identify?: butch Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, syr, he Join Date: May 2013 Location: US Posts: 84 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 90 Thanked 276 Times in 66 Posts Rep Power: 2169073	Some times while walking around this "good ole boy" state is a test to my sanity ha. I go to the men's department to shop And some times ignored by staff or asked if they can help me find my husband something. Here I am standing there with my men's dress pants shirt and tie. I usually in my deep voice tell them as politely as I can "I am the the damn husband" I don't really call myself that in my world but it seems that's all these back woods Bible thumpers understand. (No I have no problem with religion unless its used the way it is here) I suppose Maybe its the shoulder length blonde hair. Last night my wife and I went out to eat and it was one of the packing nights for me so the swagger and the butch vibes were pulsing ha. And while we are sitting at the bar waiting for our table we actually had men come over to her and try to flirt. All while she is holding my hand in her lap. I wanted to beat on my chest and start kicking some ass. Point is when people aren't acting like if I get close I may give them my butch germs they are trying to pretend I'm not here. Like if they don't make eye contact I'll go away. I do have a wonderful wife the leaned over and gave me a nice long kiss that left no doubts about what I was to her. Sorry for the rant. With the butch population being almost nonexistent in my town it feels good to say what's on my mind.

05-13-2013, 11:10 AM	#6
NerdieGirl Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Banned 6/24/13 -Previously banned user "kaTE09" back under new name. Preferred Pronoun?: She. Relationship Status: No thank you. Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: Midwest Posts: 65 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 204 Thanked 262 Times in 56 Posts Rep Power: 0	I, thus far, have only dated butch or FTM folks. I always worry about safety when it comes to my partners, especially in the bathroom. One of my ex's had so many bad experiences that she refused to use a public bathroom. My heart broke over this. Something I easily take for granted was something that caused paralyzing fear in her. I would offer to go with her, but even then she still struggled. I often complain about being an "invisible femme", but often forget to count the times that I have hidden behind that invisiblilty.