FTM place to vent and talk

[DMW]

This is a space for FTM's to talk about anything they would like to. Especially, FTM's that live as males, in their everyday lives, and are not seen by society as anything other than a biomale.Please go along with the websites guidelines of decorum and respect for others. The TOS or what have you.
At the moment, i have a killer migraine and will not be posting for a bit.

However,
Feel free to vent.
Welcome Dudes...

I do understand that we live in a closet somewhat. I suppose i don't want to have to live in the closet here. I am not always...In The Closet and i don't want to be in a closet here.

[Hominid]

Good job, DMW -

And yes, let's make a point to take very good care to self-police and respect the TOS.

[Linus]

My biggest vent right now is that there are times when I so could use an FTM around to talk to. I miss that part of NYC. Los Angeles is just too damned big and the fact that I don't have a driver license (ya.. I know! At 42 and traveling too much it's hard to focus on it enough), makes it that much harder. I feel disjointed and alone at times in regards to this. I never realized how much I missed this until the Reunion this fall.

My work colleagues are all supportive, yanno? but.. it's not the same.

Sigh.

[DMW]

Seriously and ditto guys... i gotta apologize cause of my headache...i gotta take care of that. Just looking at the computer screen is getting to me.
I will come back later.
I am glad you all are here.

[BrutalDaddy]

Very much look forward to day when society will see me as I see myself but that just doesn't happen right now.

Am glad for this place and space cause I do'nt have any FTM friends irl to talk to about every day shit. Sucks but it's life.

DMV, good thread. WIll post more later I'm sure.


Brute.

[Hominid]

Brutal and Linus-
Hopefully this space will provide a starting point for guys who are available for other guys. We are misunderstood, often going through a lot of perceptual, physical, societal changes and are viewed with either suspicion or plain old misunderstanding. It's like Sisyphus pushing the boulder up the mountain always. We don't have cis-guys, we often don't have women, really only we can understand what happens to us, much of it completely NOT part of what we expected or foresaw when we started to transition or male-identify.

I, for one, am always open for messaging and providing support.

[Teddybear]

Originally Posted by BrutalDyke

Very much look forward to day when society will see me as I see myself but that just doesn't happen right now.

Am glad for this place and space cause I do'nt have any FTM friends irl to talk to about every day shit. Sucks but it's life.

DMV, good thread. WIll post more later I'm sure.


Brute.

hey man

anytime u need or want to talk let me know and I will send u my cell number and times to call

[DMW]

Linus, you mentioned school and i thought of a situation that came up and presented itself...a story on a lighter note...
I was in school in an anatomy lab class setting...and for some reason that i cannot recall at the moment in which the details are not really necessary for the gist....
The class needed a person to take their shirt off for ...i believe a telemetry unit with leads needing to be applied to my chest, inorder to measure the heart's electrical activity.
and the girls in the class where comfortable with me and so they were like...come on...
at first they just seemed to think that i would go ahead and offer myself for the position... and then they joked with me... and i wanted to do it...and i felt so badly for them because they didn't understand...after i didn't...i had to come up with some lame excuse of being too shy etc... i also, had to finally say...look my girl wouldn't want me to do show myself to you woman anyway...and that is kinda true too...cause they would flirt and boundaries are important..to protect them and my relationship...it was very uncomfortable for me...
The sad thing is...there were only a few biomales in the class and one was heavy set and i wanted to save him from having to take off his shirt. I think the women just assumed i was going to cause i have the kind of body that is just bland or regular i guess. So, why wouldn't they? and they were probably thinking of the overweight guy also. trying to spare him the embarrassment. ...and the other...pissed me off that he didn't. Who knows...maybe he was trans like me. like us. Eventually, the heavy set guy took his shirt off and i thanked him vociferously and publicly for his bravery. I could tell he didn't want to and he was hesitant...god and his eyes...even he looked at me like bro why not? why can't you help me and just do this for me? I felt so badly about that. God i do now.
I guess it isn't such a light note...i can laugh at myself in the situation now. But, it kinda describes our invisibility.

Oh, see....i have scars from chest surgery that would be needed to be explained...i would be outing myself to the class...right there. and the professor...hot black woman...OMG...and the school. I just wanted to focus on learning...you know? I wouldn't be ashamed to out myself...just not necessary there...like that. We had to learn...not about me being FTM...
Hugh...maybe one day...shirt comes off...oh, he is FTM...ok...continue the cardio lesson

[Teddybear]

In the 7 years since I started my journey I have had to learn that sometimes we have to be true to ourselves and the hell with what other ppl see or THINK they see or hear.

I started with 1 company and was with they till almost 2 yrs ago. They helped bybe accepting(which I didnt expect since its a southern company) and as I was progressing in my journey they moved me to b accepted more by other workers.

I have worked with 2 other companies since I left the 1st company and NO one has questioned if Im a csi man or not.

I do have to divulge the fact that I once I was known by another name cuz it is on professional background checks however I have found companies that wouldnt talk to me any longer after they found out I was transgender. It is their lost.

My parents refused to talk to me for 7 yrs and while I was in the hospital this past September my mom called and I told her all I wanted and she agreed and since that time hasnt called me by my birth name.

My biggest grip is whenever I call someone about something they call me maam. I correct them once and the next time its on. It only takes me telling them the second time and they stop calling me maam

I did have that issue in the hospital where they kept calling me she even after being told repeatedly that it was SIR

[Darbonaire]

Thanks for this space. I also am available to chat & or call....so msg me & we can go from there.

At 57 & having started this 12 years ago as far as the T & such..I can say I still miss having "guys like us" to talk to. I have some bio-male friends but I'm not "out" to them. I'm just recently divorced after a 10 year legal marriage to a wonderful woman. She was there for me through the changes & now...she's gone from me.....but, let's not go there.

Anyway, I have never been "out" as it were. Old lifetime friends of course knew & have all accepted me....but, I never was really open with other folks. Especially not to new friends etc. I have come back to VA to heal from the divorce, & have found myself among a group of people that I AM safe with. No, I won't reveal to all of them cause it's not important...but, to some of them I have, & they have warmly welcomed me. That is SO GD refreshing.

Now here's something I haven't encountered before though. One of my friends <God love her> is trying to fix me up with one of her gf's. She is straight as is her friend. the one trying to fix me up does NOT know the deal....so, I simply told her I'm not ready to date yet....which I'm not.

Have any of you ever had this happen? I would love to go out & date but wow....when it comes time..<if it does> to take it further...YIKES !

I'm just allowing life to happen right now. I'm just trusting what happens will be ok. I am glad to be back on this site though....nice not to have to explain shit, you know?

That shit in the other room pissed me off because. How dare ANYone put ANYne down for how they want to be in their own lives. I get so tired of being told I'm "wrong" or sexist for wanting to live with what many call "old fashioned beliefs", & yes...a woman who "wants" to treat me the way I want to be treated...

Anyway, enough rambling.....anyone had a dating experience that they care to share? One w/ a straight woman?

Jonathan

[Teddybear]

Originally Posted by Darbonaire

Thanks for this space. I also am available to chat & or call....so msg me & we can go from there.

At 57 & having started this 12 years ago as far as the T & such..I can say I still miss having "guys like us" to talk to. I have some bio-male friends but I'm not "out" to them. I'm just recently divorced after a 10 year legal marriage to a wonderful woman. She was there for me through the changes & now...she's gone from me.....but, let's not go there.

Anyway, I have never been "out" as it were. Old lifetime friends of course knew & have all accepted me....but, I never was really open with other folks. Especially not to new friends etc. I have come back to VA to heal from the divorce, & have found myself among a group of people that I AM safe with. No, I won't reveal to all of them cause it's not important...but, to some of them I have, & they have warmly welcomed me. That is SO GD refreshing.

Now here's something I haven't encountered before though. One of my friends <God love her> is trying to fix me up with one of her gf's. She is straight as is her friend. the one trying to fix me up does NOT know the deal....so, I simply told her I'm not ready to date yet....which I'm not.

Have any of you ever had this happen? I would love to go out & date but wow....when it comes time..<if it does> to take it further...YIKES !

I'm just allowing life to happen right now. I'm just trusting what happens will be ok. I am glad to be back on this site though....nice not to have to explain shit, you know?

That shit in the other room pissed me off because. How dare ANYone put ANYne down for how they want to be in their own lives. I get so tired of being told I'm "wrong" or sexist for wanting to live with what many call "old fashioned beliefs", & yes...a woman who "wants" to treat me the way I want to be treated...

Anyway, enough rambling.....anyone had a dating experience that they care to share? One w/ a straight woman?

Jonathan

Jonathan

I have found that being honest from the get go when I dated straight women really was the way to go .

I found that if u list the benefit of being a transman really gets them and do it with humor

Good luck

[Linus]

Originally Posted by Darbonaire

Thanks for this space. I also am available to chat & or call....so msg me & we can go from there.

At 57 & having started this 12 years ago as far as the T & such..I can say I still miss having "guys like us" to talk to. I have some bio-male friends but I'm not "out" to them. I'm just recently divorced after a 10 year legal marriage to a wonderful woman. She was there for me through the changes & now...she's gone from me.....but, let's not go there.

Anyway, I have never been "out" as it were. Old lifetime friends of course knew & have all accepted me....but, I never was really open with other folks. Especially not to new friends etc. I have come back to VA to heal from the divorce, & have found myself among a group of people that I AM safe with. No, I won't reveal to all of them cause it's not important...but, to some of them I have, & they have warmly welcomed me. That is SO GD refreshing.

Now here's something I haven't encountered before though. One of my friends <God love her> is trying to fix me up with one of her gf's. She is straight as is her friend. the one trying to fix me up does NOT know the deal....so, I simply told her I'm not ready to date yet....which I'm not.

Have any of you ever had this happen? I would love to go out & date but wow....when it comes time..<if it does> to take it further...YIKES !

I'm just allowing life to happen right now. I'm just trusting what happens will be ok. I am glad to be back on this site though....nice not to have to explain shit, you know?

That shit in the other room pissed me off because. How dare ANYone put ANYne down for how they want to be in their own lives. I get so tired of being told I'm "wrong" or sexist for wanting to live with what many call "old fashioned beliefs", & yes...a woman who "wants" to treat me the way I want to be treated...

Anyway, enough rambling.....anyone had a dating experience that they care to share? One w/ a straight woman?

Jonathan

Jonathan,

It's best to leave stuff from other threads in other threads and not drag them elsewhere.

[weatherboi]

Lack of FTM resources in my area is my biggest complaint right now. I miss team sports a lot and the last team I played on was an all mens rugby team back in the nineties. I also spend a lot of time on the water so finding guys that like to surf or paddleboard has been challenging.

I have to agree that honesty is the best policy. The straight women I have dated in the past and that I have to deal with today have and do appreciate my honest disclosures. It makes all things easier in the long run, The blind date is always the most fun to navigate.

[DMW]

Originally Posted by Darbonaire

Thanks for this space. I also am available to chat & or call....so msg me & we can go from there.

At 57 & having started this 12 years ago as far as the T & such..I can say I still miss having "guys like us" to talk to. I have some bio-male friends but I'm not "out" to them. I'm just recently divorced after a 10 year legal marriage to a wonderful woman. She was there for me through the changes & now...she's gone from me.....but, let's not go there.
Sorry about that.

Anyway, I have never been "out" as it were. Old lifetime friends of course knew & have all accepted me....but, I never was really open with other folks. Especially not to new friends etc. I have come back to VA to heal from the divorce, & have found myself among a group of people that I AM safe with. No, I won't reveal to all of them cause it's not important...but, to some of them I have, & they have warmly welcomed me. That is SO GD refreshing.
Glad that you have people there and feel safe with them...i got a few here too... Thank God.

Now here's something I haven't encountered before though. One of my friends <God love her> is trying to fix me up with one of her gf's. She is straight as is her friend. the one trying to fix me up does NOT know the deal....so, I simply told her I'm not ready to date yet....which I'm not.

Have any of you ever had this happen? I would love to go out & date but wow....when it comes time..<if it does> to take it further...YIKES !

I have had it happen. You know, i think if you are serious about someone, the sooner you tell them...the better for the both of you. You don't want to lead her on without knowing that you are not biomale. It gives her a chance to deal with her feelings about it. I mean, if you start out as friends and you know it could go further...i would tell. Something to play by ear. It is definately different being and FTM that passes as biomale because women see us as biomales...and so do we really...to an extent. Just gotta keep that in mind...that she would presume(most likely) we are biomale because we look it.


Jonathan

My words in green

[ruffryder]

Originally Posted by weatherboi

Lack of FTM resources in my area is my biggest complaint right now. I miss team sports a lot and the last team I played on was an all mens rugby team back in the nineties. I also spend a lot of time on the water so finding guys that like to surf or paddleboard has been challenging.

I have to agree that honesty is the best policy. The straight women I have dated in the past and that I have to deal with today have and do appreciate my honest disclosures. It makes all things easier in the long run, The blind date is always the most fun to navigate.

This is one of my biggest vents too! Resources!, yes! Where are the resources and FTM groups in the area. Sports, yes! How I would love to just stop by the park like when I was younger and just pick up a game of bball with the fellas. Now I wonder wth they will think not being bio male and older. Buddy, you and I need to get together and hit up the beach! It's long overdue and we're in the same damn state!

[DMW]

Originally Posted by Darbonaire

I'm just allowing life to happen right now. I'm just trusting what happens will be ok. I am glad to be back on this site though....nice not to have to explain shit, you know?

Yeah...i get this totally.

That shit in the other room pissed me off because. How dare ANYone put ANYne down for how they want to be in their own lives. I get so tired of being told I'm "wrong" or sexist for wanting to live with what many call "old fashioned beliefs", & yes...a woman who "wants" to treat me the way I want to be treated...
And i get this also, the thing is....what we say can be heard as inflammatory when we don't mean it to be that way...that happens outside of this site also...you know? I can't blame a person on the site if they are offended by the remark or that they need clarification from me that i am not sexist...and i believe that we are now in a space where i can say...hey "where is my paper and my coffee winch..." and not have to explain that i am not sexist... it really isn't a whole lot different than in real time...the place needs to be respected and so do all of the people in it...you know? I just lost some of my post...so annoying...ok...i was saying this...
it isn't a good idea to bring your complaints from another thread into some other thread...it is rude to perpetuate that...number one. and i know i don't want to behave like that. So, we have to be responsible for our own behavior and what we say here also....just like in face to face life...but, here it is more difficult. There are times when people need answers from what we have posted because they don't know what we meant when we post. They need clarification. I need that sometimes also. it is our job not to engage in or perpetuate that inflammatory stuff. and to not take ?'s of clarification personally and get all defensive...I can't stand that. I hope that helps you to understand. I want you to know that i am not pointing fingers at you when i say...we or our or you. this is just how i feel about it.


Anyway, enough rambling.....anyone had a dating experience that they care to share? One w/ a straight woman?



Jonathan

My Words in green

[weatherboi]

Yanno it really doesn't matter what side of the transitional coin any of us are on here. The conversation with a straight woman is gonna go the same for a passing FTM as it would for a non passing FTM.

The gist of it is gonna be something like, "Hey I am a guy born to a body that is deemed by society as female." Both guys still put themselves in harms way and both guys are equally at risk of being perceived as a freak and rejected.

I guess if I were to vent it would be about my own community contiunally trying to be divisive with physical transition.

[Medusa]

Let me make something super fucking clear:

If I see ONE MORE REFERENCE to what happened in the other thread, I am going to hand out a long time-out.

While it is fine to talk about issues that pertain to Transmen, it IS NOT OK to use this thread as a toilet if you feel you didn't get to take a proper dump in the other thread.

Talking about things that affect you as Transmen is VERY different than casting a "Femmes are my Bitches" net. If you don't understand the difference between posting about yourself in a thoughtful manner and making a sweeping statement that is likely to offend a great many of the Femmes here (me included), then you probably need to do a lot of thinking before you post. And maybe read back through some of the threads where Femmes have talked about how it feels when someone (of any gender) treats them like a "thing" rather than a human being.

We have a great # of Transmen on this site who, in my opinion, represent the very best of what a man looks like. Find them and learn.

[DMW]

You know, i walked away from the screen for a second because i have a serious migraine...not an excuse...just an explaination as to why i didn't finish my thought well. I do not want to make this a place where...ouch...the ugh..."woman are my bitches" thread. ugh. i cannot even say that ...i guess that is how it is heard when i posted and didn't follow up early enough to my post. I do not feel that way or have that sentiment about women in general. ugh.
When i stepped away i thought more about nastiness being perpetuated and wanted to make a general post about how i don't want that here and will not accept it here...that is the point i was trying to make. I understand it. Is there a way to change the title to the thread? Like maybe not in caps....like"FTM place to vent" ? maybe Linus can do this?

Linus....can you change the thread title to "FTM place to vent?"

I have to stop looking at this screen now.

[Linus]

Originally Posted by DMW

You know, i walked away from the screen for a second because i have a serious migraine...not an excuse...just an explaination as to why i didn't finish my thought well. I do not want to make this a place where...ouch...the ugh..."woman are my bitches" thread. ugh. i cannot even say that ...i guess that is how it is heard when i posted and didn't follow up early enough to my post. I do not feel that way or have that sentiment about women in general. ugh.
When i stepped away i thought more about nastiness being perpetuated and wanted to make a general post about how i don't want that here and will not accept it here...that is the point i was trying to make. I understand it. Is there a way to change the title to the thread? Like maybe not in caps....like"FTM place to vent" ? maybe Linus can do this?

Linus....can you change the thread title to "FTM place to vent?"

I have to stop looking at this screen now.

I modified it a bit more than what you posted. If you want me to remove the "and talk", let me know and I'll pull it. I don't want people to just rant and rave but rather work through whatever needs to be discussed, hashed, beaten around, chewed, chawed, etc.

And there is one thing I was curious about because I've seen this from both sides: I know there are many femmes who are interested/intrigued/turned on by FTMs and many FTMs who are reciprocal to this (myself included). What I'm curious about are those FTMs who are here in this community (and others like it) and interested in straight-women as opposed to femmes in this community (and others like it)?