Question to butches and how they deal with differences in dating

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

I'm suspecting that most people run on a set of rules. Or perhaps flexibility within those rules. But usually people don't deviate off a set of rules unless they have context and reason. Which is why I gave an annoyingly long post.

I'm also used to having longer posts as I'm one of those annoying fuckers that partook in the theory threads. I'm blunt, but I'm totally a context whore. Context can change the colour of a picture completely.

Apologies for my details. I'm not good at fluffy threads. I'm pretty damn cerebral.

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

For those who are confused, I apologise. I like context heavy, meaty discussions with lots of things to think about in it. I'm not really a "here's a brief question, Gimmie your drive by answer" kinda thread gal. In 2010 these kinds of threads were common and why I kept going to forums. I'm not a simple question/simple answer kind of gal. I like deconstruction and examination. Apologies. Perhaps this kind of discussion is really out of place, then.

Don't you DARE apologize for wanting to have a theoretical discussion on this site! Many of us thirst for those discussions that were the norm on butch-femme.com and here when this site first started. Where everyone who enjoys those discussions have gone (or maybe where the people who initiates those types of discussion have gone), I don't know.

To answer the question. What you are presenting as a way to approach dating (the person who wants to feel things out and not commit right away), seems very healthy to me. A person who is so fast to commit because you are so perfect for them, yet would be willing to walk away if you aren't ready for that level of commitment, would make me think that their desire ("need") to be in a relationship trumps their desire to be with the right person.

Big red flag right there my dear!

You asked about our own approach. It depends on how far the person and I are apart from what we are looking for. If I know I am looking for a long term relationship, a life partner, and the person I am dating is not looking for that at all, but is only looking for a casual thing, then I probably wouldn't date them. Or, I might and just have a casual thing, while I am still looking to find a partner who wants the long term thing.

However, if I met someone who was open to a long term partner if they found the right person, but was not in a rush I would see what happened if I really like them. (your example). Why wouldn't I?

So, it comes down to how close the person is to what I am looking for and if they are going in the same direction as me.

I hope this isn't a real life scenario. This person is putting you in an unfair position if they are saying they will leave if you don't commit immediately. Personally, with the little time you have spent together, I think it is a red flag. If they knew they wanted a commitment right away from someone, that should be talked about right up front. Then you may have decided to not date.

On the other hand, this jumping into monogamy in the "lesbian" community is such the norm, the person may not even thought to bring it up.