10-28-2012, 05:02 PM | #21 | |
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I have this migraine and i think that along with more nastiness has made me puky now... I hope that the thread doesn't spread nastiness. Thanks Linus |
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10-28-2012, 05:13 PM | #22 |
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Ok let me be really clear ....
I do sincerely apologize for mentioning the other thread. That's all I'm going to say about that.
I am interested in WOMEN....I don't care if they are straight or lesbian femme.....I happen to be in a group in R/T where straight women are what surrounds me...therefore my question about the date thing. I have no problem telling a women...I guess I wasn't clear as to what I was asking.....IF I find the woman & I getting to a point where things may go further then I shall address the situation. I was more interested in the .."What kind of response have you had from...." have you fu*c*ed them & if so, how did that go as far as there being misunderstandings if any.....that sort of question. Having been married for the last 10 years to a femme I was just curious what the differences are & what other's experiences were. I do hope this isn't going to turn into a "Why are you here on this site if you're only interested in straight women ..." cause that shit gets REALLY old...especially since I am ON this site because I love FEMMES & their energy..... Nuff said....all the answers to my question I look forward to.... |
10-28-2012, 05:32 PM | #23 | |
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Yes I have been actively interested in and dated other women that id other than femme that are not on this site. There are many straight women out there that understand and enjoy dating guys like me/us. My work in the hospitality/entertainment industry offered/s me opportunities to date and share time. Some I have been intimate with and some I haven't but the one thing they all had in common before anything started is they all knew I am a transman/FTM. Some handled it better than others but that never mattered, I just kept moving forward with conviction to be myself.
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10-28-2012, 05:34 PM | #24 |
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I am a 50 year old transman who is caught "inbetween" in that I am not on T nor have I had any surgery. I have been "transitioning" for about 5 or so years and don't know when I will take the next step (surgery and/or T). It is a money issue for me and I am frustrated with how I am perceived by others. I can pass at times and other times not so much. I was once told by a MTF that I looked gender neutral, which I guess reflects my inbetweenism and I am not comfortable in that status. I am not out to everyone, and don't know how to go about it really. For example at the MCC I attend I am out to the other trans people(MTF) there and I tend to hang out with the Lesbians, but I don't exactly fit in other than my attraction to women. I also have this fear (possibly unfounded) that once I out myself to the Lesbian group that I will be treated differently for I've heard some grumblings about men as a group. I feel I won't be supported. I am not in the gay men's group, because of my inbetweenism and I'm not a gay male. I have found no other transmen in the MCC and feeling a little isolated on that front. I live in a small city and the community as a whole is not so visible. I guess I'm trying to figure out how to fit in. Thanks for any thoughts on the matter.
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10-28-2012, 05:43 PM | #25 | |
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Hey guy -
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I know there are some guys on this site in the same situation you are in now. Before I started T I was almost always perceived male...lol...well, after I had a breast reduction that is....lol....before that I think folks thought, "Damn that guy's got big boobs!" Anyway, being true to yourself, exploring possible surgery options, talking with others in the same space....the FTM community in my experience has been very willing to help with questions & help with guidance too. Just keep allowing your true self to shine through man..... Hope that helped..... Jonathan |
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10-28-2012, 05:44 PM | #26 |
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So... I'm not transitioning because well it isn't going to happen. I can't take T because my insurance, Disability will never pay for it. I found my one and only and she could care less, because she loves who I am not just what I am. If I could say just one thing, it is be yourself always and love who comes your way. Straight, Femme or any other ID. Humans have the capacity for love, and who you love matters only to you and the one who has your heart.
(*you* general)
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10-28-2012, 05:48 PM | #27 | |
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Right on Corkey
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10-28-2012, 05:51 PM | #28 |
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Hi Jonathan,
Good to meet you. Thanks for the info about the site, I will look into it. Since you've lived in AL then you know who it can be stifling and I don't mean the weather during the summer. It seems that I've found more MTFs than FTMs here and I am hoping to meet up with FTMs in the future, but for now I will look to people like you and others on this site/thread for input. Thanks again, Julien
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10-28-2012, 05:52 PM | #29 | |
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I will say that sometimes I'm surprised that straight women come on to me. The most surprising was when I was in Singapore and had three different prostitutes (it was a very well known prostitute area) come up to me, offering to "love me long time" (I shit you not -- that's what they said!). I think that it's just a matter of finding the right one and sometimes it takes time. A bigger challenge, IMO, is finding one that's nearby. In the few that I've dated (just at the start of my transition), they were either across country or in a different country altogether (I'm Canadian and ended up moving to the US because of the one I found and fell hard for and am still falling hard for to date).
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10-28-2012, 06:02 PM | #30 |
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Well,
"Love you long time".....lol.....sounds good to me......just kidding......sort of. I got VERY lucky to be "found" by my ex......I traveled a lot with my former job so I met several ladies who I spent time with. Yeah, now the "close by" situation may be a speed bump along the way but, it's how it is.......
I keep thinking I was "found" once so maybe it will happen again....who knows. I even think sometimes, was I an idiot for letting a divorce happen...but, you can't stay someplace that isn't "right" just because you're afriad you may never find another partner....at least I couldn't. I'm SO not ready to date right now...I do have friends I can call to meet for coffee or lunch but, as far as anything serious...nope, not yet....still WAY too much healing to do. I have had straight women hit on me & gay guys....lol....so, I will just stay in the present & take baby steps to heal the heart, & when it's right.....she'll walk in.....I truly believe that. How's Redondo Beach? I'm from CA originally....sometimes I miss it...well, no I miss my friends....I do miss the more open attitude there though...but, VA is very good to me. Ok, off to watch the weather.....enjoy the night all !! Jonathan |
10-28-2012, 06:24 PM | #31 | |
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As for Redondo, it's very nice (weather wise) but damned expensive. A house down the street from us just went up for sale.. for a mere $989K. If I won the lottery...
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10-28-2012, 06:52 PM | #32 | |
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I used to think this as well, and for the most part still feel that way - however, I've had TWO different occasions with doctors during an exam, in a very heavily trans-populated area - that had no idea when they saw my scars. They asked, I said "eh ... man-boobs" and both of their responses was "hmmm ... unusual, usually people who need that are overweight" -
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10-28-2012, 07:05 PM | #33 |
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women!
I am interested in women, similarly to Darbonaire. I am less interested in how she identifies, outside of respecting it. If she's into me and vice versa, I could care less. I tend to be attracted in real life to straight women - then again, for the most part, those are the only ones I meet. I do have a faint memory of wanting a straight woman earlier in transition - not as a conquest or anything, but I see that then I wanted to be clear I was not "other" - I was male. Now, I think a queer femme or some iteration from the community would save a lot of time and effort - being understood on some fundamental level and not having to "teach".
I have not had to tell anyone that I am trans. I don't want to. I dread it. So I limit my own self when it comes to moving in the real world. I really don't know if I could handle the aftermath (embarrassment). But I am on some main stream dating sites, and after a long description of myself, I reveal that I am trans. I've had some interest from straight women, less from bi women. As far as an actual "meet", I had breakfast with a wonderfully geeky woman the other day and she seems very interested. I have to force myself to reach out to several women a week who interest me. The percentages of responses are dismal at best, but then again, most women are inundated. |
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10-28-2012, 07:16 PM | #34 | |
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Yep,
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Another reason I don't live in CA ...lol...I'd move back to N CA if I won the lottery...actually Tahoe !!! Oh Yeah !!! |
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10-28-2012, 07:18 PM | #35 | |
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I never tried those
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10-28-2012, 07:30 PM | #36 |
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Interesting discussion going on in the sense that it's not something I ever really thought about.
Guess you could say the reasoning being that I didn't truly get how "okay" it would be for me to fully come out about being FTM until I met 'sational/Julie. Since then, well she's my wife so it's not even a question in my mind but this question/thought has got me thinking. I don't think I could ever date a straight woman. Not being judgemental or saying it's anything they would do wrong but it's purely me. Having gone through the journey I've gone through and still going through, I don't know if I could ever have that understanding from a straight female that I would get from a female that lives within the realm of the rainbow For me, it's hard enough trying to explain my situation to those around me (mainly family and some friends who ask). They are all straight. Yet I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can come in here, verbally vomit anything out (that has to do with me and transitioning) and 9 out of 10 females would GET IT. Whereas with straight women, not so much. So I feel like I'd rather be with a woman who can somewhat get me, my frustrations, my joy (at being seen as a male out there), my embarrassments, my everything. That's what I have now with Julie. She gets it because she is gay. She understands that society will never completely so get it. I can come home one day and be upset because of how I was perceived and she gets that totally. Maybe I'm being judgemental because like I said, I've never really dated a straight woman while in transition so I could be way off base. I just know that, if I were single, I honestly think I'd be way more comfortable dating someone from within the rainbow then outside of it. I just want to make sure that I'm understood. That I'm not looked at with pity or that whole, "boy I gots no idea why she'd do that but if it makes her happy, eh who cares". I have enough family members that do that. Lol. Anyway, good topic. Thanks for the brain food. Loves Me Some Brain, Brute. |
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10-28-2012, 07:35 PM | #37 | |
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I hear you dude.....
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10-28-2012, 07:47 PM | #38 | |
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I get what you're saying. All of our friends are straight as well. Comes with territory of area we live in but also the gay folks that do live near there really won't have anything to do with us because of the whole FTM/femme status. I guess they think we're "traitors" to our own kind? Lol. Whatever their deal is, we don't worry about it and actually love our straight friends. Only one of them (Julie's best friend) really gets it I think. The rest just kinda get that glazed over look in their eyes then pretend they never heard any of it. Go figure. When you're ready, you'll know. Brute. |
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10-28-2012, 08:04 PM | #39 | |
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I've actually gotten the most flak from vanilla lesbians and butch lesbians - after some conversation, at least with one who was a true enough friend to have it, and with others over time, there was an element of threat/jealousy/something. One friend told me that she wishes she could transition - and I can see it. She's thrilled when someone sees her as male. I can remember, pre-transition, thinking ftms were weak - that it took more strength to be female and masculine, and that I was more masculine as a butch than 99% of the men I knew. Over time (with butches), I tried to recognize their masculinity, and make clear that my male-ness was NOT masculinity in and of itself. Now, they don't "see" me, so it's not an issue in that way. It IS an issue as far as meeting others in the community (another friend and I have compared my position with femme invisibility).
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10-28-2012, 08:13 PM | #40 | |
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Exactly! Julie and I have actually talked about how she goes through femme invisibility and I go through FTM invisibility, both in straight and rainbow world. Maybe that's why I feel I would be way more comfortable with a femme if I were single, versus a straight woman. I've never met a straight woman who suffers from feeling invisible with her own idenity but I've met plenty of femmes who have. It's that tangible common ground/connection that makes the relationship/friendship/whatever it is that much more bonded. That understanding of what the other must go through. You know I've tried really hard to understand what the issue folks from our own world have against us (her and I) but I can not figure it out. Finally got to a point where I don't care, for the most part. Won't lie, still gets to me sometimes because it really would be nice to be around "family" face to face but that'll happen come September at the Reunion! Not only get to put faces with the names of folks we've talked to for years but also get to soak up the real life experience of being "home", so to speak. |
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